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Top 10 Worst Parts Of Bond Movies

With the release the terribly-titled Quantum Of Solace, it’s time to look back at all the Bond movies and find the very worst parts of the superspy’s history.

10. Licence To Kill – Felix survives

The entire movie is a brutal experience from beginning to end, with Timothy Dalton’s Bond globetrotting and killing, steadily growing closer to avenging the death of Felix Leiter. Except… Felix isn’t dead. Turns out he survived his close encounter with a shark. All he lost was a foot. …Which was back by the next movie.

worst james bond movies felix leiter
Asleep?

9. Diamonds Are Forever – Car stunt gone wrong

Quite a famous cock-up. Car goes into alley on one set of wheels. Car leaves alley on another. Director realises and throws in extra shot of car tilting.

8. A View To A Kill – Stacey Sutton

worst james bond movies stacey sutton

Roger Moore’s James Bond met a lot of sexually aggressive women. Stacey Sutton wasn’t one of them:

“CHAMES!” She screams, terrified.
“CHAMES!” She screams, overjoyed.
“CHAMES!” She screams, confused.

Ugh.

7. GoldenEye – You only get cast twice

worst james bond movies joe don baker

Joe Don Baker was the villain in The Living Daylights. It was big part. Impossible not to notice. So why on earth did they cast him AGAIN, this time as a CIA agent, just two movies later and think no one would notice? Are there so few actors out there? Has the profession shrunk that much?

6. For Your Eyes Only – Bibi Dahl

worst james bond movies bibi dahl

Here’s a terrifying sexually aggressive women. Bibi Dahl, 17 year old skating prodigy, meets Bond at an ice rink one snowy day. An hour later, she’s broken into his room, used his shower, climbed into his bed naked and offered him sex.

Fortunately Bond, in the 40+ guise of Roger Moore, decides not to have the creepiest and most borderline illegal shag of his career. Thus, Bibi remains the first and only girl to be denied a romp in the sack by Bond.

5. The Spy Who Loved Me – Stromberg’s plan

worst james bond movies stromberg

Behold a man with a plan. Stromberg is going to start a nuclear war between the superpowers and create a colony under the sea! That evil bastar- wait, what?

Yes, his plan is sh*t and full of holes. He doesn’t even die properly – Bond just shoots him. You know you’re a terrible villain when you don’t even get a gloriously over the top demise.

4. The World Is Not Enough – Denise Richards, nuclear physicist

worst james bond movies denise richards

What’s more offensive, the frustratingly muddled “war for oil” plotline, or the sight of Denise Richards as nuclear physicist Christmas Jones? Thought so.

3. Moonraker – Jaws falls in love

worst james bond movies jaws in love

Moonraker was a horrendously rushed and misjudged film all round. Designed to cash in on the space craze brought on by Star Wars, it was an awful attempt to get Bond into space.

The worst part comes near the end, when Jaws, the only henchman awesome enough to be allowed to live for a second movie, falls in love with a tiny blond woman. With pigtails. And glasses.

WHAT.

And then joins forces with Bond to mess Drax’s plan up.

DOUBLE WHAT.

2. Tomorrow Never Dies – The plot

worst james bond movies tomorrow never dies

Bond is going through one hell of an action packed adventure, working closely with a Chinese agent (Michelle Yeoh) in order to find out why the British and Chinese are being played against each other.

Finally, he comes face to face with Rupert Murdoch, I mean Elliot Carver, who explains his demented plan: if Britain and China go to war, he can get broadcast rights inside China.

Read that out loud. Then shake your head.

1. Die Another Day – The entire film

It’s too hard to narrow it down to just one moment from Die Another Day. The movie was so dumb it put Pierce Brosnan in his Bond grave and caused the whole creative team to head back to the drawing board.

Let’s go down the list:

a) Madonna theme tune
b) Korean man has his face changed to that of a smug white British toff
c) Invisible car

worst james bond movies invisible car

d) Ice Palace
e) CGI
f) Madonna cameo

worst james bond movies madonna

g) Rip off of Diamonds of Forever
h) Hilariously inconsistent laser beam power from satellite
i) Halle Berry

worst james bond movies halle berry

j) He’s doing it all to take over South Korea
k) Makes no sense at all
l) LOOK AT HIM HE’S GOT DIAMONDS IN HIS FACE. WHAT KIND OF DOCTOR WOULD LEAVE THEM THERE?

worst james bond movies die another day

And that brings us to the end of this trip down memory lane. What are your least favourite Bond moments? I could go on. And I probably will.

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