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Top 10 Worst Parts Of Bond Movies

With the release the terribly-titled Quantum Of Solace, it’s time to look back at all the Bond movies and find the very worst parts of the superspy’s history.

10. Licence To Kill – Felix survives

The entire movie is a brutal experience from beginning to end, with Timothy Dalton’s Bond globetrotting and killing, steadily growing closer to avenging the death of Felix Leiter. Except… Felix isn’t dead. Turns out he survived his close encounter with a shark. All he lost was a foot. …Which was back by the next movie.

worst james bond movies felix leiter
Asleep?

9. Diamonds Are Forever – Car stunt gone wrong

Quite a famous cock-up. Car goes into alley on one set of wheels. Car leaves alley on another. Director realises and throws in extra shot of car tilting.

8. A View To A Kill – Stacey Sutton

worst james bond movies stacey sutton

Roger Moore’s James Bond met a lot of sexually aggressive women. Stacey Sutton wasn’t one of them:

“CHAMES!” She screams, terrified.
“CHAMES!” She screams, overjoyed.
“CHAMES!” She screams, confused.

Ugh.

7. GoldenEye – You only get cast twice

worst james bond movies joe don baker

Joe Don Baker was the villain in The Living Daylights. It was big part. Impossible not to notice. So why on earth did they cast him AGAIN, this time as a CIA agent, just two movies later and think no one would notice? Are there so few actors out there? Has the profession shrunk that much?

6. For Your Eyes Only – Bibi Dahl

worst james bond movies bibi dahl

Here’s a terrifying sexually aggressive women. Bibi Dahl, 17 year old skating prodigy, meets Bond at an ice rink one snowy day. An hour later, she’s broken into his room, used his shower, climbed into his bed naked and offered him sex.

Fortunately Bond, in the 40+ guise of Roger Moore, decides not to have the creepiest and most borderline illegal shag of his career. Thus, Bibi remains the first and only girl to be denied a romp in the sack by Bond.

5. The Spy Who Loved Me – Stromberg’s plan

worst james bond movies stromberg

Behold a man with a plan. Stromberg is going to start a nuclear war between the superpowers and create a colony under the sea! That evil bastar- wait, what?

Yes, his plan is sh*t and full of holes. He doesn’t even die properly – Bond just shoots him. You know you’re a terrible villain when you don’t even get a gloriously over the top demise.

4. The World Is Not Enough – Denise Richards, nuclear physicist

worst james bond movies denise richards

What’s more offensive, the frustratingly muddled “war for oil” plotline, or the sight of Denise Richards as nuclear physicist Christmas Jones? Thought so.

3. Moonraker – Jaws falls in love

worst james bond movies jaws in love

Moonraker was a horrendously rushed and misjudged film all round. Designed to cash in on the space craze brought on by Star Wars, it was an awful attempt to get Bond into space.

The worst part comes near the end, when Jaws, the only henchman awesome enough to be allowed to live for a second movie, falls in love with a tiny blond woman. With pigtails. And glasses.

WHAT.

And then joins forces with Bond to mess Drax’s plan up.

DOUBLE WHAT.

2. Tomorrow Never Dies – The plot

worst james bond movies tomorrow never dies

Bond is going through one hell of an action packed adventure, working closely with a Chinese agent (Michelle Yeoh) in order to find out why the British and Chinese are being played against each other.

Finally, he comes face to face with Rupert Murdoch, I mean Elliot Carver, who explains his demented plan: if Britain and China go to war, he can get broadcast rights inside China.

Read that out loud. Then shake your head.

1. Die Another Day – The entire film

It’s too hard to narrow it down to just one moment from Die Another Day. The movie was so dumb it put Pierce Brosnan in his Bond grave and caused the whole creative team to head back to the drawing board.

Let’s go down the list:

a) Madonna theme tune
b) Korean man has his face changed to that of a smug white British toff
c) Invisible car

worst james bond movies invisible car

d) Ice Palace
e) CGI
f) Madonna cameo

worst james bond movies madonna

g) Rip off of Diamonds of Forever
h) Hilariously inconsistent laser beam power from satellite
i) Halle Berry

worst james bond movies halle berry

j) He’s doing it all to take over South Korea
k) Makes no sense at all
l) LOOK AT HIM HE’S GOT DIAMONDS IN HIS FACE. WHAT KIND OF DOCTOR WOULD LEAVE THEM THERE?

worst james bond movies die another day

And that brings us to the end of this trip down memory lane. What are your least favourite Bond moments? I could go on. And I probably will.

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36 Comments »

  • lloydee banks said

    Moore playing bond for so long. FYEO should of been his last, he looked too old in octopu**y and view to kill, they should of brought dalton in earlier.

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  • Eric said

    YOU ONLY GET CASTED TWICE (PART II)

    Charles Gray plays “Henderson” in “You Only Live Twice” and then he becomes Ernst Stavro Blofeld in “Diamonds Are Forever”

    not saying that Charles Gray isn’t awesome… and i get that people don’t sign on to do more than one movie but as far as casting.. why did they give Blofeld Hair?

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  • Eric said

    Oh an what about the “Beach Boy-esq” song that cuts in while he is “Surfing” down the mountain on the remains of the Snowmobile in the beginning of “View to a Kill”… that makes my stomach churn just thinking about it…

    But to it’s credit the Title sequence with the chick unzipping the jacket and 007 appearing on her cleavage in blacklight paint is awesome…

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  • Chris said

    Bond launching a surprise attack on Octopu**ys palace using a hot air balloon.

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  • Donald said

    “All he lost was a foot. …Which was back by the next movie.”

    Actually, speaking chronologically, this was the last appearance of Felix Leither in a Bond film, at least until the rebooted the franchise with Casino Royale. So, no, his foot wasn’t back by the next movie, since he never actually appeared again. There was no Felix Leiter in any of the Pierce Brosnan films.

    But I agree that the plot was pretty over the top considering how Felix didn’t actually die.

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  • Rutger said

    The worst moment of any of the movies is the lack of emotion on Bonds (Lazenby…) face when his bride is shot dead on a Corniche in the South of France. The director seems to have moved the appropriate and genial ‘we have all the time in the world’ of Louis Armstrong to another moment in the movie, just because ‘Bond’ couldn’t act at the level required for the emotional moment and the proposed tune..

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  • iwanttoshag jamesbondsgirls said

    between sean connery and daniel craig was all BS

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  • S said

    Every bond film made since 1985. Roger Moore was the last true Bond. Connery was the first true Bond. Timothy Dalton, complete misnomer. Pierce Brosnan, more like it, but the scripts and effects of his era of Bond films did him no favours at all. The right person at the wrong time. Daniel Craig. F**king WHO? The worst of the bunch and least inspiring Bond there has ever been – wors even than Dalton – by now they’d turned Bond into some indestructible machine who could walk through fire and survive any explosion or fall. Their penchant for making Bond films more and more action based and unrealistic has quite frankly killed James Bond as a concept. That was never what it was about. They Hollwoodized Bond and f**ked themselves out of a great franchise. Now the only people who will watch those films are the brain dead with no taste. Evidently, the majority of cinema goers fall into this category these days.

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  • giorgos haritos said

    choosing craig over clive owen.that was somewhat unfortunate,even though i expected craig to be far worse.He was saved by an incredible film called Casino Royale,could not do anything to save pathetic Quantum of Solace and probably will be buried by masterful Javier Bardem in Skyfall!!

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    • Daniel Craig Forever said

      Yeah Daniel Craig’s so bad that he’s going to get knighted! So then it’ll be Sir Daniel Craig

      So I don’t think There’s a lot of people who aren’t fond of him!

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  • PDOG said

    When I think of the worst James Bond part the first thing that comes to mind is Sheriff J. W Pepper. Not only was he annoying as heck in Live and Let Die but they broght him back in The Man with the Golden Gun. What were they thinking?

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  • Justin said

    …..Counterfeit Faberge Eggs……Clown Costume…….Octopussy is terrrrrrrible.

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    • Tony said

      I loved the film Octopussy personally. Good action, engaging plot and lovely location settings.

      The plot was very much part of the times with the US/USSR detente, Iranian revolution and exiled royal family from there, and nuclear disarming in Europe. Just a closer look:

      1. You have the debate in the USSR between the moderates (from Brezhnev to Gorbachev, the process of detente was favoured more and more culminating in the USSR making friends with the US/West) and the hardliners who want the USSR to invade Europe and return to Stalinist times. Orlov, the Soviet dissident, wanted to take advantage of the West’s desire to disarm but was not backed by other Kremlin figures. In the real world, an attempted coup took place in 1991 to try and stop the moderation of the USSR but like Orlov failed!

      2. Kamal Khan, an exiled prince from Iran, must have felt very annoyed about the fall of the monarchy in 1979 so hence his exile to North India (whose people linguistically and ethnically related in real life to Persians) and his involvement in subversive activities. Though a communist and an exiled royal would appear to have little in common, we known that in the real world the likes of Orlov and Khan have teamed up to. Khan gets back his country (USSR under Orlov invade Iran and hand it over to him) and Khan helps Orlov smuggle a bomb into Germany.

      After the rather clinical For Your Eyes Only, Octopussy was far more entertaining and fitted in together. For Your Eyes Only was a great film but appeared like two films: the Havelock revenge storyline and the Columbo v Kristatos parts do appear to be very separate because they were that originally: two short stories by Fleming told these two tales as separate incidents. Octopussy blended the Fleming short story Property of a Lady more cleverly into an original storyline.

      Only slight problem with Octopussy is perhaps the rather exaggerated stunts like clinging onto a plane at the end. But these are in every Bond film and I guess as long as we see no invisible cars, we are ok! 🙂

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  • Tony said

    I have to agree with Die Another Day. This is where the worst Bond moments exists. The invisible car, all the contrived copycat elements from most of the other films, and a Korean transforming into an Englishman (what is it with PBs Bond films and transformations? This plot, albeit more believably done, was also in Goldeneye).

    All the other films (some were darker and violent, others were lighter and more humorous) had something good to offer (some better than others of course). Elements like Bond as a circus clown fitted in with the plot and the pigeon/man with wine thinking he has drunk too much and realises he hasn’t during the hovercraft scene are humour. I actually liked films like Octopussy, Moonraker and The Spy Who Loved Me as much as I did the Connery ones. I liked Dalton, Craig and Brosnan (only in his first two as The World is Not Enough is probably the second poorest after Die Another Day). I agree that Roger Moore was too old in A View To A Kill (I enjoyed this film very much too but it was Christopher Walken’s Max Zorin who was the star of the show here).

    Many did not like Jaws (and View To a Kill’s Mayday) turn good. But this shows part of human nature: Drax and Zorin had plans counter to their interests. Likewise, exiled Iranian royal Kamal Khan in Octopussy left Octopussy and Magda (who were the two Bond girls) to die in a bomb, thus cementing their alliance with Bond.

    In summary, all the others make sense and have something to offer but Die Another Day sucks. True, maybe Tomorrow Never Dies plot to get a foot into the Chinese media marketplace by starting WW3 was daft (I’m sure there would be a better approach!!) but it was a great action film. Die Another Day had a messed up plot, repetitive scenes from the previous films, and daft sci fi like invisible cars and Koreans turning English. A pretty poor effort for the 40th anniversary of Bond and very nearly the one that finished the franchise.

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  • Cateya said

    I think the invisible car was the end for me as far as Bond interest. I mean they ask you to suspend belief in many ways for entertainment value but a car that has a cloaking device…..a step too far that took some of the shine off a pretty good franchise..

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  • Jim Wiley said

    In Goldfinger Oddjob shoots the gangster, then has the Lincoln Continental, the gangster, and his gold crushed into a 6,000 pound bale, which is dropped from a magnetic crane into the bed of a quarter ton Ford Falcon pickup truck to be taken back to Goldfinger’s lair. Those little Fords must be far tougher than they look, as it easily carries a load twice its own weight.

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