Top 10 Manliest Musicals25.08.11 # Top Ten # 14 Comments
The top ten best musicals, of the manly kind. Musicals need defending. Not because they’re not great, but because they’re the sort of movies that will have your editor raising his eyebrows if you want to do a list about them.
So I present ten great movie musicals that cover the whole spectrum of manliness, from male chauvinism to chivalry, because singing and dancing in glorious Technicolor is not for sissies. Behold!
10. The King And I
Back up. Is that that goddamn King of Siam? Sure as hell is – look at that badass! You don’t wanna cross a dude with a gameface like that, he will EAT YOU ALIVE! You know what this guy’s movie is about? This is a guy who has sired 82 children with several wives. SEVERAL. But guess what? He just doesn’t have ENOUGH wives, so he goes ahead and pursues Anna, the hot new schoolteacher he imported from England.
And you know what else? Nobody has more attitude than the King of Siam. Nobody! And he can’t sing too well, but he won’t let that stop him!
9. Singin’ In The Rain
Singin’ In The Rain isn’t just a great musical, it’s great Science Fiction. But don’t take our word for it:
[Science Fiction author] Ray Bradbury pointed out that Star Wars is not science fiction, it’s an adventure story set in space. Singing in the Rain is a science fiction film, because you have the world as it is, then sound is introduced. What happens to people now that this new [technology] is there? That’s all science fiction is. – AMC
And who’s the hero of this sci-fi tale? The man who harnesses the power of sound? Gene Kelly, that’s who. The man has unparalleled swagger, and he asserts his dominance whenever the hell he feels like it. Like in this scene, where he destroys a speech therapists office whilst singing and dances just because he can:
He literally tap dances on the dude’s desk. I can’t think of a more insulting way to establish yourself as Alpha Male.
8. West Side Story
Hey, let’s watch a socially relevant movie about a race-related gang war in New York. Make sure there are a couple of murders in there, and maybe an attempted rape, because I’m in the mood for some serious drama. But make sure the story is timeless, like something Shakespeare would write. It’d be good if there was a song and dance number or two as well, just to mix things up a little and be original. What, you mean that’s way too specific and there’s ONLY BEEN ONE MOVIE MADE LIKE THAT EVER? Well, I guess we better watch West Side Story then…
Warning: 80s fight music may enhance aggression by up to 30% (the film’s and yours) -
Dirty lyrics, twisted morals, drag racing and MORE gangs. No, it’s not The Fast and The Furious: Electric Boogaloo, it’s Grease, dammit. Seriously, the song Greased Lightnin’? Girls and little kids love that song! But wait:
“With new boosters, plates and shocks
I can get off my rocks
You know that I ain’t braggin’, she’s a real pu**y wagon
Yeah, that’s how the song goes. Also, the story evolves around a gang member taking a sweet and innocent girl (I don’t drink (no)/ Or swear (no)/ I don’t rat my hair (eew)/ I get ill from one cigarette (cough, cough, cough)/ Keep your filthy paws/ Off my silky draws) and turning her into this:
6. Guys and Dolls
This one needs no justification: it’s a movie about gambling starring a young Don Corleone. He can’t sing too well, but he won’t let that stop him!
Top Manly Musicals (5th – 1st) >
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