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Comment RSSTop 10 Bond One Liners
9.11.08 # Top Ten # 27 CommentsBond has returned to our screens in Quantum of Solace, but without such classic lines as “Martini; shaken, not stirred”, and “The name’s Bond. James Bond.”
Daniel Craig means it’s out with the one liners and in with the serious plot. For great puns you now have to delve deep into Bond’s prestigious/cheesy history. So let us cast our minds back to some of the most memorable quotes.
Here are Movie-Moron’s top ten best James Bond one liners.
Magda: “He suggests a trade. The egg for your life.”
Bond: “Well, I heard the price of eggs was up, but isn’t that a little high?”
(A villain chases Bond and skis into a snow-blower, which then sprays red snow.)
Bond: “He had a lot of guts!”
(Whilst placing Fiona Volpe’s body in a chair after she is shot on the dance floor.)
Bond: “Do you mind if my friend sits this one out? She’s just dead.”
(Whilst Bond is in bed with his Scandinavian language tutor.)
Bond: “I always enjoyed learning a new tongue.”
(As Le Chiffre tortures Bond by striking his testicles with a carpet beater.)
Bond: “Now the whole world will know that you died scratching my balls.”
Also see: Top 10 James Bond Villains |
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Diamonds Are Forever:
Plenty: My name’s Plenty. Plenty O’Toole.
Bond: Named after your father, perhaps?
Tomorrow Never Dies:
Moneypenny: You always were a cunning linguist, James.
More Quotes:
Octopussy
Bond: [Handing a wad of Indian cash to his accomplice.] “That should keep you in curry for a few weeks.”
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[Bond is dragged from a river onto a tour boat.]
Woman on Tour Boat: “Are you with our group?”
Bond: “No, ma’am, I’m with the economy tour.”
The Spy Who Loved Me
[The motorcycle henchmen flies off a cliff in a cloud of feathers.]
Bond: “All those feathers and he still can’t fly.”
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[After structure falls on Jaws.]
Bond: “Egyptian builders.”
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[Bond and Anya are discovered making love]
Sir Frederick Gray, Minister of Defence: “Bond! What do you think you’re doing?”
Bond: “Keeping the British end up, sir.”
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Bond: [After detaining Jaws with a huge magnet.] “How does that grab you?”
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Captain Carter: [As James is removing the warhead to a nuclear missile.] “James, are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
Bond: “Well, there has to be a first time for everything.”
Moonraker
Dr. Holly Goodhead: “You know him?”
Bond: “Not socially. His name’s Jaws, he kills people.”
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[Bond dangles from a cable car a thousand feet up.]
Dr. Holly Goodhead: “Hang on!”
Bond: “The thought had occurred to me.”
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[Bond and Drax are shooting pheasants.]
Hugo Drax: “You missed, Mr. Bond.”
[A sniper falls from a tree.]
Bond: “Did I?”
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Dr. Holly Goodhead: “Come on, Mr. Bond. A 70-year-old can take 3 G’s.”
Bond: “Well, the trouble is there’s never a 70-year-old around when you need one.”
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Bond: “Bollinger? If it’s ‘69 you were expecting me.”
For Your Eyes Only
Bond: “Now put your clothes back on, and I’ll buy you an ice cream.”
A View To A Kill
[The morning after Bond sleeps with Grace Jones.]
Max Zorin: “You slept well?”
Bond: “A little restless but I got off eventually.”
Roger Moore rules.
Moonraker:
M: What the devil is he doing?
Q: I think he’s attempting re-entry sir.
Can’t believe you missed that.
Ooh!
Octopussy:
Bond is stabbed in a wad of cash hidden in his jacket.
Bond: Thank god for hard currency!
On an unrelated note, I asked a barmaid for a vodka martini this weekend. She didn’t have any martini. Dang.
“Re-entry” isn’t there because it isn’t James Bond’s one liner, it belongs to Q.
Also, just because you pulled a nurse this weekend, it doesn’t mean you’re Timothy Dalton.
…Although I am quite jealous.
I was in a tux at the time. My very own Vesper Lynd fawning over me on the dance floor. How could I not? It was the greatest moment of my short life, although the lack of martini cheapened it.
Back on track:
Goldeneye:
Mishkin: You will tell me everything you know about the Goldeneye satellite.
Bond: What, no small talk? No chit-chat?
Fatima Blush – “Oh! How reckless of me, I made you all wet.”
James Bond – “Yes, but my martini’s still dry.”
(Never Say Never Again)
Goldfinger – James is surprised while spying on Goldfinger and gets in a hand-to-hand fight with Pussy Galore. He looks at her and says (as only Sean Connery can) “Why Pussy, who taught you judo?”
“How was the lamb?”
“Skewered. One sympathizes.”
From Diamonds Are Forever
(Tiffany Case emerges from dressing room and has changed her wig from blonde to red)
Bond: “Weren’t you a blonde a few moments ago?”
Tiffany Case: “Do you not like red heads?”
Bond: “Of course–as long as the carpet matched the drapes.”
Casino Royal best line EVER.
Bond: You’re not my type.
Girl: Why, cause I have half a brain?
Bond: No, cause you’re single.
I forget the girl’s name though.
The World is not Enough:
Elektra: You wouldn’t kill me. You’d miss me.
(Bond shoots Elektra)
Bond: I never miss
Never say Never Again:
Largo: Do you lose as gracefully as you win?
James Bond: I wouldn’t know.
“The World Is Not Enough”
(Final scene of the film: Brosnan-Bond has just bedded the impossibly hot and impossibly named nuclear physicist Dr. Christmas Jones – played by the even more impossibly cast Denise Richards – and then utters this quip…)
Bond: I thought Christmas only comes once a year.
Die Another Day
Mr. Kil: I’m Mr. Kil.
Bond: There’s a name to die for.
Tomorrow Never Dies…Bond drops goon into printing press.
“They’ll print anything these days.”