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Top 10 Bond One Liners

Bond has returned to our screens in Quantum of Solace, but without such classic lines as “Martini; shaken, not stirred”, and “The name’s Bond. James Bond.”

Daniel Craig means it’s out with the one liners and in with the serious plot. For great puns you now have to delve deep into Bond’s prestigious/cheesy history. So let us cast our minds back to some of the most memorable quotes.

Here are Movie-Moron’s top ten best James Bond one liners.

10. Octopussy
best james bond quotes roger moore
Magda: “He suggests a trade. The egg for your life.”
Bond: “Well, I heard the price of eggs was up, but isn’t that a little high?”

9. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
best james bond quotes george lazenby
(A villain chases Bond and skis into a snow-blower, which then sprays red snow.)
Bond: “He had a lot of guts!”

8. Thunderball
best james bond quotes
(Whilst placing Fiona Volpe’s body in a chair after she is shot on the dance floor.)
Bond: “Do you mind if my friend sits this one out? She’s just dead.”

7. Tomorrow Never Dies
best james bond quotes pierce brosnan
(Whilst Bond is in bed with his Scandinavian language tutor.)
Bond: “I always enjoyed learning a new tongue.”

6. Casino Royale
best james bond quotes daniel craig
(As Le Chiffre tortures Bond by striking his testicles with a carpet beater.)
Bond: “Now the whole world will know that you died scratching my balls.”

5th – 1st >

Also see: Top 10 James Bond Villains

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52 Comments »

  • Adam Mason said

    Diamonds Are Forever:

    Plenty: My name’s Plenty. Plenty O’Toole.
    Bond: Named after your father, perhaps?

    Tomorrow Never Dies:

    Moneypenny: You always were a cunning linguist, James.

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  • Sheridan Passell said

    More Quotes:

    Octopu**y
    Bond: [Handing a wad of Indian cash to his accomplice.] “That should keep you in curry for a few weeks.”
    +
    [Bond is dragged from a river onto a tour boat.]
    Woman on Tour Boat: “Are you with our group?”
    Bond: “No, ma’am, I’m with the economy tour.”

    The Spy Who Loved Me
    [The motorcycle henchmen flies off a cliff in a cloud of feathers.]
    Bond: “All those feathers and he still can’t fly.”
    +
    [After structure falls on Jaws.]
    Bond: “Egyptian builders.”
    +
    [Bond and Anya are discovered making love]
    Sir Frederick Gray, Minister of Defence: “Bond! What do you think you’re doing?”
    Bond: “Keeping the British end up, sir.”
    +
    Bond: [After detaining Jaws with a huge magnet.] “How does that grab you?”
    +
    Captain Carter: [As James is removing the warhead to a nuclear missile.] “James, are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
    Bond: “Well, there has to be a first time for everything.”

    Moonraker
    Dr. Holly Goodhead: “You know him?”
    Bond: “Not socially. His name’s Jaws, he kills people.”
    +
    [Bond dangles from a cable car a thousand feet up.]
    Dr. Holly Goodhead: “Hang on!”
    Bond: “The thought had occurred to me.”
    +
    [Bond and Drax are shooting pheasants.]
    Hugo Drax: “You missed, Mr. Bond.”
    [A sniper falls from a tree.]
    Bond: “Did I?”
    +
    Dr. Holly Goodhead: “Come on, Mr. Bond. A 70-year-old can take 3 G’s.”
    Bond: “Well, the trouble is there’s never a 70-year-old around when you need one.”
    +
    Bond: “Bollinger? If it’s ’69 you were expecting me.”

    For Your Eyes Only
    Bond: “Now put your clothes back on, and I’ll buy you an ice cream.”

    A View To A Kill
    [The morning after Bond sleeps with Grace Jones.]
    Max Zorin: “You slept well?”
    Bond: “A little restless but I got off eventually.”

    Roger Moore rules.

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    • Matteo said

      I am not English mother tongue and I don’t get the humor of this

      Dr. Holly Goodhead: Come on, Mr. Bond. A 70-year-old can take 3 G’s.

      James Bond: Well, the trouble is there’s never a 70-year-old around when you need one

      Anyone can explain?

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  • Adam Mason said

    Moonraker:

    M: What the devil is he doing?
    Q: I think he’s attempting re-entry sir.

    Can’t believe you missed that.

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  • Adam Mason said

    Ooh!

    Octopu**y:

    Bond is stabbed in a wad of cash hidden in his jacket.

    Bond: Thank god for hard currency!

    On an unrelated note, I asked a barmaid for a vodka martini this weekend. She didn’t have any martini. Dang.

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  • Sheridan Passell said

    “Re-entry” isn’t there because it isn’t James Bond’s one liner, it belongs to Q.

    Also, just because you pulled a nurse this weekend, it doesn’t mean you’re Timothy Dalton.
    …Although I am quite jealous.

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  • Adam Mason said

    I was in a tux at the time. My very own Vesper Lynd fawning over me on the dance floor. How could I not? It was the greatest moment of my short life, although the lack of martini cheapened it.

    Back on track:

    Goldeneye:

    Mishkin: You will tell me everything you know about the Goldeneye satellite.
    Bond: What, no small talk? No chit-chat?

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  • James Morman said

    Fatima Blush – “Oh! How reckless of me, I made you all wet.”
    James Bond – “Yes, but my martini’s still dry.”
    (Never Say Never Again)

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  • John said

    Goldfinger – James is surprised while spying on Goldfinger and gets in a hand-to-hand fight with Pu**y Galore. He looks at her and says (as only Sean Connery can) “Why Pu**y, who taught you judo?”

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  • Joan of Argghh! said

    “How was the lamb?”
    “Skewered. One sympathizes.”

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  • Chris said

    From Diamonds Are Forever
    (Tiffany Case emerges from dressing room and has changed her wig from blonde to red)

    Bond: “Weren’t you a blonde a few moments ago?”

    Tiffany Case: “Do you not like red heads?”

    Bond: “Of course–as long as the carpet matched the drapes.”

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    • Deeve Guillergan said

      GoldenEye:

      Natalya: so do you know how to disarm the weapon?

      Bond: uhh., i think it depends of what kind of weapon your talking about disarming!?

      (then Bond kiss Natalya.)

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  • Karl said

    Casino Royal best James Bond line EVER.

    Bond: You’re not my type.
    Girl: Why, cause I have half a brain?
    Bond: No, cause you’re single.

    I forget the girl’s name though.

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    • Aibanez said

      Her name is Vesper Lynd and the quote actually goes more like this:

      -Am I going to have a problem with you bond?
      -No, don’t worry, you’re not my type..
      – smart?
      -Single

      :)

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  • Jeroen said

    Best James Bond quotes:
    The World is not Enough-
    Elektra: You wouldn’t kill me. You’d miss me.
    (Bond shoots Elektra)
    Bond: I never miss

    Never say Never Again-
    Largo: Do you lose as gracefully as you win?
    James Bond: I wouldn’t know.

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  • LeBron Mexico said

    “The World Is Not Enough”

    (Final scene of the film: Brosnan-Bond has just bedded the impossibly hot and impossibly named nuclear physicist Dr. Christmas Jones – played by the even more impossibly cast Denise Richards – and then utters this quip…)

    Bond: I thought Christmas only comes once a year.

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  • QuiatFat said

    Die Another Day

    Mr. Kil: I’m Mr. Kil.
    Bond: There’s a name to die for.

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  • Rob said

    Tomorrow Never Dies…Bond drops goon into printing press.

    “They’ll print anything these days.”

    Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

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