Abduction Soundtrack23.09.11 # Soundtrack # 20 Comments
The Abduction soundtrack. It is both easy and tempting to mock Abduction sight unseen. For starters, in terms of story, it would seem to be the latest and most laughable entry into the increasingly burgeoning ‘superhuman secret agent’ sub-genre (traceable back to The Long Kiss Goodnight, and taking in the recent likes of Hanna and Red, as well as Universal’s money-spinning Bourne saga), the typical narrative path of which finds a man/woman/child/hamster revealed as the most deadly black ops killer who ever lived.
Then there’s the Lautner factor. Yes, playing Nathan, the grumpy teenager who discovers that his teenage grumpiness is not, as is usual, down to his wanger suddenly sprouting its very own wanger-afro, but rather the fact that he is not who he always thought he was. And who’s that then? A walking, barely-talking tensed muscle, cast in a teenage girl-mugging movie franchise because he wouldn’t show up the non-acting skills of the wooden-topped goon already in situ? Er, yeah, I guess.
Things hardly get any rosier when one scans the track-listing of the Abduction soundtrack tie-in either. With names such as Lenny Kravitz, Black Stone Cherry, Cobra Starship and AFI spin-off Blaqk Audio, t’would verily appear we are operating in the realm of contemporary rock music here, and that, at least at this present juncture in time, is some bad, bad news.
Y’see, rock is in a rough way at the minute, with the biggest bands in that milieu being the same dinosaurs of the last 20, 30, 40 years. To wit, of the most rockular major movie soundtracks of the recent past, Iron Man 2 relied entirely on a selection of, mostly ancient, numbers from AC/DC, while Transformers: Dark of the Moon simply showed up the shortcomings of the current crop of pretenders, as it spewed up so horrific a streak of aural slop as to likely cause Jimi Hendrix to rotate in his grave with furious enough velocity to drill a direct route to Melbourne.
And all worst fears would seem to be instantly confirmed by the opening song on the Abduction soundtrack, To Be Loved by Train, a song that could only ever be deemed rock by those who deem Dawson’s Creek a gripping, true-to-life exploration of what it is to be human. However from such inauspicious beginnings do far better things then flourish; first, Lenny Kravitz – in many ways such a profoundly ludicrous individual – serves up the none-too-shabby ‘70s stomp of Come On Get It, before we are treated to Heart Attack, an obviously Sly and the Family Stone-inspired funker, replete with ringing retro guitar and an insistent, cop show theme of a hook.
More goodness, courtesy of Oh Land’s Twist, an arch Scando-pop number which magically mutates into a 16-bit chiptune bleeper somewhere towards its end, before the Abduction bandwagon suddenly comes crashing into the buffers. Black Stone Cherry’s offering is such an obnoxious, grunting heffalump of a song that when vocalist Chris Robertson sings “Blame it on the boom boom,” you can only assume he’s referring to his own abominable anal emissions. Then follows a tedious run of equally forgettable disco pumpers – from Blaqk Audio, a horribly Auto-Tuned Cobra Starship, and Alexis Jordan – each of which you’d need to be on drugs or, at the very least, drink to get even remotely excited about.
I can’t imagine a plane of reality exists on which I could in all honesty recommend SuperStar Shyra’s DJ Love Song anywhere near as fulsomely as I can her snigger-inducing website (genuine sample (all grammatical nightmares and typos are theirs): ‘Shyra, will captivate you with her enthusiasm and shower you with a whirlwind of humanity that will touch everyone in her path. Her empathy and compassion twilight’s her assured ability. She as the innate ability to cross all demographic barriers.’).
And from there it’s all aboard and back up Dawson’s Soppy Crack, courtesy of Donora and their tune for teenage girls who feel a bit funny in the tummy whenever they watch a Taylor Lautner movie, and Andrew Allen, who sounds like Jack Johnson OD’ing on herbal tea.
Abduction Soundtrack – Track List
1. To Be Loved – Train
2. Come On Get It – Lenny Kravitz
3. Heart Attack – Raphael Saadiq
4. Twist My Memory – Oh Land
5. Under My Skin – Hot Bodies in Motion
6. Blame It on the Boom Boom – Black Stone Cherry
7. The Witness – Blaqk Audio
8. #1 Nite – Cobra Starship
9. Good Girl – Alexis Jordan
10. Novocaine Lips – Matthew Koma
11. DJ Love Song – SuperStar Shyra
12. The Chorus – Donora
13. Loving You Tonight – Andrew Allen
14. Abduction Suite – Edward Shearmur
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