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All Movies To Be Released Only On Sony PSP From Now On

PSP April Fools News Story
In a move that will surprise few, movies will only be available on the PSP from now on. Cinemas are to cease trading, and all online streaming is to stop (something that Virgin Media have been testing at twenty minutes intervals).

At the April 1st announcement the heads of Sony Pictures Europe, Sony America and, in a rare appearance, Sony Africa broke the good news to investors:

我々は、PSPは映画のための培地今から上のように起こっているので、満足しています。あなたがそれを気に入らない場合は通りの向こうに遊びがあります。

Cinema-chain operators welcomed the development, adding that they were tired of acting as confectioners and would gladly no longer have to deal with customers who didn’t do their research and turned up to Punch Drunk Love expecting an Adam Sandler comedy. “Ever since they tried to pass off Scarlett Johansson as someone who could land a powerful kick in The Avengers trailers we knew our days were numbered. Ultimately the only solution was to shrink it right down to PSP size where the cut to an explosion immediately afterwards might sell the unlikelihood of it all.”

The head of Blockbuster Video, respected in the industry for his foresight, said “One thing that’s clear about watching movies on a PSP, is that people love the absorbing experience. When I’m out and about I see so many PSPs, and very often it’s a movie being watched. It’s certainly not as rare as a UFO sighting.”

The plans were given full backing last night by Josh Hartnett’s career manager.

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