Top 10 Chick Flicks Of 201324.12.13 # Top Ten # 6 Comments
From Woman of Steel to Star Trek: Into Pinkness, 2013 saw Hollywood once again shamelessly pandering to a female audience, as young white males around the globe were left desperately short of viewing options. The poor lambs.
Er, not quite true, of course – which is why I’ve had to cobble together this Top 10 Best Chick Flicks of 2013 from a relatively limited field. Read on to find out what made the countdown…
Pity poor Jane Austen. Going down in literary history as one of the finest purveyors of the written word will only ever be seen as a Dusty Bin of a consolation prize for the fact she couldn’t land herself a fella. Yeah, she one sad lady, like Jennifer Aniston.
But, on the plus side, just shy of two centuries after ol’ Jane bought the farm, her memory was honoured by Jerusha Hess making a movie about a young woman going on an Austen-themed vacation. Another mere consolation prize?
Offer the same deal to Dan Brown – he’d bite your hand off like it was made of tasty dollar bills.
9th. The To Do List
Aubrey Plaza is being mocked about being a virgin. Well, she is almost 30. Oh, right, yeah, she’s meant to be college age. Gotcha. Very convincing.
The To Do List saw Plaza playing Brandy Klark (same name, slightly different spelling to Rom the Spaceknight’s girlfriend. Look. It. Up), a young woman determined to explore the rich variety of sexual acts available to male-female combos with the same zealousness she brings to her straight-A studies.
Does she succeed? Does she learn a few life lessons along the way? Can you fit your fist into your mouth? Why’s there a little hole in a biro? Is there a God? Discuss.
8th. About Time
Here’s an odd fact for you: I’m writing this article on my lunch at work and as I type these very words, Richard Curtis, the writer-director of About Time, is downstairs in the exact same building I am. Yes, he is. Just like When a Stranger Calls.
Another odd fact for you: Mr Lurking Curtis and his pals at Working Title choose NOT to publicise About Time with my glowing critical endorsement of it: ‘Definitely the best British time travel movie since the one about the time machine in the pub bog.’
7th. The Big Wedding
Just 18 short years ago, having just toplined the tediously high quality pair of Heat and Casino, Robert De Niro decided that, goddammit, he was sick of his status as the most revered actor of his generation. All those glowing reviews. All those fawning glad-handers. No, if he was ever going to star in dross, it was now or never.
Spin on just shy of two decades and boy oh boy, has Bob ever made some sh*t while the sun’s been shining.
The Score. Godsend. Stardust. The Fockers. Machete, in which he shamelessly mugged like he was auditioning to play Captain Hook in panto. Sure, there’s been the odd Silver Linings-style misstep, but on the whole, De Niro’s kept up the crap quota – ticking it this year with The Big Wedding, in which he was dudded up like Kenny f**king Rogers.
6th. The Bling Ring
In Somewhere, her story of an ennui-addled heartthrob actor, Sofia Coppola mused that contemporary celebrity culture is a trifle shallow.
In The Bling Ring, her story of A-list-obsessed teens (well, if you count Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Rachel Bilson as A-list…), Sofia Coppola mused that contemporary celebrity culture is a trifle un-deep.
Sigh. Thanks for trying, Sofe.
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