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Freddy vs. Jason vs. Michael: Round #2

Jason vs Freddy vs Michael movie showdownFor the 8 days leading up to the release of the Friday The 13th remake, there’s a Freddy vs. Jason vs. Michael movie showdown.

I haven’t seen the originals since I was a kid and I’ve never bothered with the sequels, so it’s time to hit up Blockbuster and finally figure out who is the reigning king of horror, round by round.

Round #2
Friday The 13th Part II — A Nightmare On Elm Street Part 2 — Halloween II

THE LOSER: A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET PART 2: FREDDY’S REVENGE

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Think this poster is confusing? Try watching the movie.

If “unmitigated piece of sh*t” was allowed on a movie poster, it would be the perfect subtitle for this sequel. Although the choice to make a horror film without a single scare was quite daring, the lazy nonsensical plot and disturbingly asexual male protagonist make this a contender for my worst sequel list. Although Freddy looks a bit more gruesome and Robert Englund continues to rock the glove as the sadistic dream psycho, his scripted antics are ridiculous and bumbling. The vague nod that the scriptwriters gave to an original idea is lost in all the confusion: does Freddy live in a dream world or does he live in an under-aged boy’s body? Why is he seeking revenge on a totally random person? And, why is he outdone by teenage lust?

Scariest Moment: There isn’t one.
Worst Moment: When you realize that the filmmakers completely ignored the rules of the first film and were more focused on naked men than naked women.
Unintentionally Funny Moment: When Freddy uses his magical dream powers to torture a man (who isn’t asleep) by stripping him naked and flicking his butt with a damp towel.

THE RUNNER UP: FRIDAY THE 13th PART II

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Keep this director away from my acting!

A rare case of a sequel being only marginally better than the first, Friday the 13th Part 2 offers us a large, deformed male for a villain, rather than his toothy, sweatshirt-wearing mommy. Unfortunately, that’s about the only good thing it offers … other than the scenes where this girl:

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wears this:
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and then does this:
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In addition to a higher boob to girl ratio, the kills are also a bit more gruesome and it’s nice to finally see Jason in the franchise he’s famous for.

Scariest Moment: Jason’s inevitable, yet still effective, “jump and get the girl” final scare.
Worst Moment: The ending. Does anyone know what the frack happened? Cause it makes no sense to me.
Unintentionally Funny Moment: Muffin, the brave Lasa Apsa, returns to safety, ribbons intact.

THE WINNER: HALLOWEEN II

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Starring Joe Cocker as Michael Myers.

This is an even rarer case of the sequel being noticeably better than the first, although, to be fare this really is just an extension of the first film. It starts at the exact moment the first film left off. Michael is scarier, tougher, and the kills are a touch more realistic. Although Jamie Lee Curtis spends most of the film comatose, the film still manages to make you care. And the “blind Michael” sequence is priceless.

Scariest Moment: When Michael scalpel’s the nurse’s spine and lifts her off the ground.
Worst Moment: The doctor and nurse having fake noisy sex right next to Laurie Strode.
Unintentionally Funny Moment: When the kid from The Last Starfighter walks five feet into a spreading pool of blood without leaving a footprint, then falls and knocks himself out.

SUMMARY
Nightmare reduces Freddy to a bumbling idiot and Jason bumps it up a notch … and I finally see why folks love Halloween so much.

CURRENT SCORE
Freddy – 1
Jason – 0
Michael – 1

Previous Rounds:
Round #1: Friday The 13th -vs- A Nightmare On Elm Street -vs- Halloween

The Fight Continues:
Round #3: Friday The 13th 3D -vs- Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors -vs- Halloween III
Round #4: Friday The 13th Part 4 -vs- Elm Street 4: Dream Master -vs- Halloween 4
Round #5: Friday V: A New Beginning -vs- Elm Street 5: Dream Child -vs- Halloween 5
Round #6: Friday VI: Jason Lives -vs- Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare -vs- Halloween 6
Round #7: Friday VII: The New Blood -vs- New Nightmare -vs- H20
Round #8: Jason Takes Manhattan -vs- Halloween: Resurrection
Round #9: Jason Goes to Hell & Jason X

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7 Comments »

  • Sheridan Passell said
    Sheridan Passell

    I would put Friday 2 as my favourite here. It’s just got a fun collection of dumb characters, a great summer camp atmosphere, and you’re watching the birth of a legend. Halloween 2 feels like much of an afterthought, kinda lifeless, a quick buck-maker that just had to fill 85 minutes and get the hell out of there.

    John Carpenter has said he was writing Halloween 2 late at night, he’d downed several beers, and just thought ‘ah f**k it, I’ll make her Michael Myers sister’.

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  • James said
    James

    Really? Oh that’s great. Halloween II: Presented by Miller Lite.

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  • lopli said

    I’m glad Halloween II won, it’s always been my favorite in the series. The new techno like theme music, the even eerier atmosphere, and one of the first pretty bloody slashers. And the ending I loved the most. NOW THAT WAS AWESOME! I give FT13 Part II props too it’s my favorite Jason movie. i dig the sack! =D

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  • sean mhubbard said

    i will like to see a michael vs pinhead on dvd

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  • louis rodregez said

    IM SO HAPPY HALLOWEEN 2 WON! ITS MY FAVORITE MOVIE IN THE WORLD

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