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Freddy vs. Jason vs. Michael: Final Round

Jason vsI hadn’t seen the original movies since I was a kid and never bothered with the sequels, so I’ve been hitting up Blockbusters all week to figure out who is the reigning king of horror, round by round. Now it’s time for the wrap-up, and final results.

And the Winner is …

JASON!

Jason vs

After a flawed but entertaining 8th installment, Jason knocks Michael to the ground and makes a two film victory dance. Not only is he the longest running franchise without a “reboot,” but he has also turned in the largest amount of watchable installments.

Unfortunately, his last two do not fall under that category.

JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY

Jason vs
Freddy saves Jason from another embarrassing sequel.

Every Jason movie is linked through ridiculous endings and even sillier beginnings. Each consecutive screenwriter must find a way to bring Jason back from an early grave, and each time the reasons are more and more insane. But the fun part is they always connect.

So at the end of Part VIII, when Jason’s young healthy body is seen floating in a New York sewer, one would think the next wave of filmmakers could play with a whole new Jason.

Alas, Sean S. Cunningham had other ideas. In a sad attempt to get a “Freddy vs. Jason” movie made, he decided to make this installment for the sole purpose of setting up his dream project.

The result is a pointless, abysmal, virtually Jason-free movie.

For some reason, Jason is back to his hulking mutated self at Crystal Lake. Then he’s lured into the woods by a ninja gymnast and blown up by the military. After a doctor eats his heart, he turns into a parasitic worm and jumps from body to body until he can be reborn as Kane Hodder.

In the end, he’s defeated by a nerd and a jungle gym, and as he’s taken to hell by demons, Freddy’s glove pops out of the ground and steals his mask. That’s literally the entire, horrible movie. I can’t even make any jokes about it.

JASON X

Jason vs
Cash or check?

I can, however, make jokes about Jason X.

But I’m not going to. This film has one redeeming quality: it irrevocably, through poor quality and poorer box office results, killed off a runaway franchise.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Jason. But the simple fact that a serial killer from a tiny sleepaway camp ended up a space cyborg in the far future is appalling, no matter how self-referential the humor is.

Jason vs
This is the toy, which compared to the movie looks kind of cool.

By the end there were no screams, no laughs, only tedium. Yes, that’s right, they actually launched the Friday the 13th franchise into space and made it boring.

I kind of makes me sad the franchise ended on this note. But never or fear (or, possibly, fear more). Jason is about to be reborn under the Platinum Dunes moniker. I haven’t brought myself to see it yet. Can anyone tell me how it is?

No points awarded.

FINAL SCORE
Freddy – 2
Jason – 4
Michael – 2

Scariest: Freddy
Most Boring: Michael
Most Fun: Jason
Most Rewatchable: Jason
Most Creative Kills: Freddy
Most Artistic Integrity: Michael

Previous Rounds:
Round #1: Friday The 13th -vs- A Nightmare On Elm Street -vs- Halloween
Round #2: Friday The 13th Part 2 -vs- Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge -vs- Halloween II
Round #3: Friday The 13th 3D -vs- Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors -vs- Halloween III
Round #4: Friday The 13th Part 4 -vs- Elm Street 4: Dream Master -vs- Halloween 4
Round #5: Friday V: A New Beginning -vs- Elm Street 5: Dream Child -vs- Halloween 5
Round #6: Friday VI: Jason Lives -vs- Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare -vs- Halloween 6
Round #7: Friday VII: The New Blood -vs- New Nightmare -vs- H20
Round #8: Jason Takes Manhattan -vs- Halloween: Resurrection

How would you score it?

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16 Comments »

  • Grant said

    id tie it between freddy n jason. from the remake jason is scary again lets hope they do the same with freddy ive alwasy bin a freddy fan n only got into jason after watchin the originl with an ex of mine a few years back

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  • bizarro said

    Jason v. Freddy v. M. Myers.. who would win?

    Leatherface.

    Unless Ash from the Evil Dead films was involved that is.

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  • Alchim said

    Mike kills freddy once he pins down his knife hand…Jason cuts off mikes head, and right after Jason takes off his mask and poses like Triple H as he does on a WWE ring apron, the Blob sneaks in with the blood of jason and mike and eats jason alive.

    …the Blob looking for food heads into the water where it and the oil slick from creepshow get into a territorial battle over the water and it poisons everyone to death except…for the Toxic Avenger who at the last minute decides to pee in the water and it kills both water thriving predators.

    movie cost: $10,000
    ticket sales and merchandise total (net): $30,000
    Equals: a sequel

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  • cris sunshine said

    the new friday the 13th is sick stuff man. all in one movie they get the mom killing off camp counselors, jason killing off pot-smoking sex-having teenagers and he gets the hockey mask. it’s a great movie. in the first 15 minutes jason kills off 5 people and mommy gets her head chopped off with a machete

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  • feastonscraps said

    Jason is hands down the best. He is the best killer and he has the best movies. Friday the 13th started nearly every horror film cliche there is. While Michael spends too much time stalking his victims and Freddy spends too much time spouting off cheesey one liners, Jason just kills his victims on the spot. Yes there are some that get to try and escape before being killed by him, but not many. Plus, he is the only one that has true motive other than just being mentally insane like Michael and Freddy. Jason is and always will be the greatest slasher of all time.

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  • coolb said

    Who do you think would win mike, rob zombie version or jason takes manhatten? Personally I think that mike would win but I would like to here it from other poeples perspectives.

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  • Peter said

    if it was freddy v. jason v. michael this is what would be the outcome. Jason would get most kills, michael and freddy would face off after one of them kills a victim, and i’d have to say michael would win simply because he is the classic masked killer and he should make it to the final round. While this is happening, jason is killing random teens to find where his 2 nemesis’s are. Somehow a group of teens will put him to sleep and jason and freddy will have a quick face off where freddy, even though in a dream world, will be able to feel pain and jason will completely overpower freddy and finish freddy off for the final time. Jason would wake up and michael would be walking in pretty pissed off and jason would once again finish off another horror icon, but it won’t be a scene where michael gets his ass kicked, this will be a classic battle where 2 original horror icons fight for the title of best killer. like i said jason will win in a nail biter and he’ll end up with the most kills and he also won’t get killed by teens he will in fact walk away unbeaten

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  • dave said

    there is no doubt…the rob zombie halloween totally kicks the hell out of friday the 13th and nightmare on elm street….the new michael myers is awsome…huge and evil looking…i really liked how zombie showed more of michael as a kid and the reasons he became the way he turned out…was good to see jamie from halloween 4 and 5 appear in the new halloween….she will also be in the sequel….she grew up to be some hottie…as for the new laurie-yummy….zombie keep it up…i know that h2 will be awsome….see you in theaters august 29th

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  • bobby said

    while i think that the greatest o all three is freddy and would kick mike and jasons ass in the dream world and still have time for a one liner. here how it jason vs freddy vs mike would go. freddy returns to dream world calls micheal in his dreams as his mom and tells him to kill jason after mike kills jason freddy returns micheal to the dream world and kills him since he is not immortal like jason. after that a bunch of stupid teenagers would kill freddy and peace on earth and such. at least until the 3d sequel just ruins the crap out of all three of them. who would be in part 3? my suuggestions hellraiser maybe but dfefinitly not chucky or ash thats stupid

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  • dizzyjam said

    What about Pinhead? He had a rather long run of movies too with the Hellraiser franchise.

    Personally, I just always liked Freddy. There was something about the way he spent time talking to his victim and sort of playing with them before killing them that added to what he did versus the basic stabs and slashes of the other two. Jason may have made more movies, but it was Freddy that got me into these type of movies, so I’ve got to give the man some props. Plus, when it comes down to it, even when they paired off Freddy vs. Jason and Jason came out of the lake with Freddy’s decapitated head at the end, Freddy still had the ability to open those eyes and give us a wink. He just can’t go away because he’s already dead!

    I’d like to see a new comparison of these three after the new Nightmare on Elm Street remake comes out in a few weeks. Comparing Rob Zombie’s Halloween to last year’s Friday the 13th to this year’s Nightmare should make for an interesting article. I like the remakes so far, so I have big hopes for Freddy.

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  • kyle cerviatti said

    i would choose jason freedy then michael
    love the friday the 13th saga

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  • Jay said

    what about jigsaw.. hes got enough movies to compete now too.. give me freddy anyday… hes the one that got me into horror movies.. but on brute force and skill at murder with no heart.. jason all the way.. michael meyesrs always seemed so fake to me.. i dont know why, he was just never one of my favorites…

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  • MM-JV-FK said

    I don’t mean any disrespect but you must be out of your mind to
    place the first Nightmare movie over the original Halloween movie.
    I mean that’s just a slap in the face to any horror fan! I really
    like the first Nightmare film and its the best in the series, but
    you can’t tell me its better. I understand its your
    opinion and that’s fine but you can’t be a true horror fan if
    the original Halloween movie isn’t #1! I almost stopped reading after that. I am a huge fan of the follow up Halloween II, but you stated that II is better than the original! What??? I can go on more about that but I want to add that even though you put Friday the 13th Part 6 over the others, you had nothing good to say about the film and that you had no reason of it besides disliking Halloween 6 and Nightmare 6! Friday the 13th Part 6 is one of the best in the series hands down! I usually wouldn’t spend my time writing this but it needed to be said!

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  • Mark said

    You have to remember that Jason has died three times

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  • Drixon said

    Ok How The Hell Do You Get Jason Is Better Then Freddy. Jason Is amost as boring As Micheal Myers.

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