The awards season is about to come to a climax with the arrival of the Academy Awards – otherwise known as the ultimate ceremony for making a spectacle of yourself. Here are the most cringeworthy speeches from Oscar winners.

10. Jack Palance – Best Supporting Actor, City Slickers

Jack Palance was so happy to win an Oscar that he ran out of gratuitous words, and decided to fill in the time he had left on the stage…by doing one armed push ups.

Why???

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9. Angelina Jolie – Best Supporting Actress, Girl Interrupted

A gothic looking Jolie waltzed onto the stage to collect her Oscar, and decided this would be the best time to announce that she is in love with her brother. Yup, she actually said that. Yes, it sounded incestuous. No, they were not in such a relationship. But it still sounded WRONG.

8. Tom Hanks – Best Actor, Philadelphia

Tom Hanks was so grateful to his drama teacher for his influence and guidance that led to his Oscar trophy, that Hanks decided to tell the whole nation his teacher was ‘one of the finest gay Americans’. Even though his drama teacher had not told ANYONE he was gay….
Whoops.

Click here to watch the video.

7. Roberto Benigni – Best Foreign Language Film, Life is Beautiful

Life was certainly beautiful for the Italian director when his name was called, and it led to a surprising moment of madness. Instead of walking towards the stage, Benigni leapt up to stand on the back of other people’s chairs. And nearly fell off.

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6. Julia Roberts – Best Actress, Erin Brockovich

If you ever need lessons on how to appear eccentric, arrogant and just plain annoying in one go, study Julia Roberts’ performance when she collected her Best Actress Oscar. Not only does she laugh consistently like a hyena being tickled by a feather duster, but she addresses the show’s conductor as ‘Stick Man’ and tells him to put his stick down.

Click here to watch the video.

5. James Cameron – Best Director, Titanic

It was all going well until James Cameron breathed in, held his arms aloft and shouted “I’m The King Of The World woooho whooohoooo”.

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4. Cuba Gooding Jr – Best Supporting Actor, Jerry Maguire

Gooding Jr made his character in Jerry Maguire so lovable, we were over the moon when guy won for Best Supporting Actor. But when he proceeded to jump up and down the stage proclaiming his love for every person he has ever met, our ‘Aww, so glad he got it!’ changed to ‘Oh sweet Lord, get off the stage.’

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3. Sally Field – Best Actress, Places of the Heart

Many had said that Sally Field’s gush-a-rama whilst collecting her Best Actress award set the bar for over the top self appreciation speeches. She was so happy to be liked at that point in time. But do we still like her now?

2. Halle Berry – Best Actress, Monster’s Ball

The reason Halle Berry is not at the number one spot with this blubber fest is because her genuine shock at being the first African American woman to win an Oscar for a leading role swept her along a wave of emotion, so it is expected that her millions of thank yous would be mixed with tears, snot and body convulsions. She is only human after all. But it was still shameful to watch.

Click here to watch the video.

1. Gwyneth Paltrow – Best Actress, Shakesphere In Love

There are no words to describe the pain of watching Gwyneth Paltrow accept her Best Actress award. So find the full transcript of her speech below. If you do not throw up whilst reading this then your strong stomach is truly worthy.

“I would like to thank the Academy from the bottom of my heart! I would like to thank Emily Watson and Fernanda Montenegro, and my friend Cate Blancett and the greatest one who ever was, Meryl Streep. I don’t feel very deserving of this in your presence, but I would like to thank Harvey Weinstein and everybody at Miramax Films for their undying support.

“I wouldn’t be in this auditorium, let alone up here, if it wasn’t for two incredibly talented men; our director John Madden, thank you so much for all that you gave me, you are so inspiring, and to my soulful partner, Joseph Fiennes who I share this with. (starts crying).

”I would like to thank the rest of our miraculous cast and crew. Our producers Donna Gigliotti and David Parfitt…I didn’t forget you this time! (starts to laugh and sob). Especially, Jim McGill and Sophie Shant and my friend Ben Affleck. I would like to thank my wonderful agent Rick Kurtzman, who is a beautiful man and a wonderful agent. And in his case that is not an oxymoron! (why???) I would like to thank Harold Brown, Stuart Gelwarg and Steven Huvane.

“I would not have been able to play this role had I not understood love with a tremendous magnitude, and for that I thank my family; (jesus, more tears) my mother Blythe Danner, who I love more than anything, and my brother Jake Paltrow who is just the dearest person in the whole world.

”My earthly guardian angel Mary Wigmore. (crying loudly now) and especially to my father Bruce Paltrow (yup, more tears) who has surmounted any surmountable obstacles this year. I love you more than anything in the world. And to my grandpa Buster (oh my word, aren’t you dry yet???), who almost made it here tonight, but couldn’t quite get here (huh??). Grandpa, I want you to know that you have created a beautiful family who loves you and loves each other more than anything (bored now) and we thank you for that. I would like to dedicate this to two young men who lost their lives very early; Harrison Kravis and my cousin Keith Paltrow. We miss you very much and I thank you. Thank you so much everybody!” (FINALLY leaves the stage with a river of tears flowing behind her)

Urgh!

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