The Love Guru reviews are in …and they’re not good.

Mike Myers has been absent from our screens for several years now, content to hide behind the voice of Shrek. He’s probably going to wish he’d stayed there.

In Love Guru, Myers launches a brand new comic creation – ‘Pitka’, an American raised by gurus in India. Pitka wants to conquer the U.S. self-help market, so he travels to America, where he’s first challenged to sort out the romantic troubles of a star hockey player. Jessica Alba plays the hockey team’s owner. And Mini Me is the coach.

The director is Marco Schnabel, second unit director on Goldmember …probably a buddy.

Here’s what the critics are saying:

Hollywood Reporter -

“Love Guru” is a regressive step in the extreme…the skits themselves have too much dead air. Neither Myers nor a group of hesitant actors…show much confidence in the material. They seem to deliver lines or perform bits so they may quickly duck the rotten tomatoes surely headed their way.”

LA Weekly -

“…it’s dreary dick jokes and elephant poop, slack directing…and, of all fatal errors, Mike Myers shooting for cuddly.”

Variety -

“relentlessly juvenile”

AP -

“…unfunny lines delivered by Myers with his trademark sly stare into the camera, as though waiting for fans to guffaw…”

It currently holds a 9% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

The LA Times is predicting Love Guru will be up for the top awards come Razzie time. Surely no one can take that away from The Happening?

Here’s an example of dead air and flat jokes. But dammit if I don’t find a cross-eyed Ben Kingsley funny -