Top 10 Pleasantly Surprising Nude Scenes6.10.09 # Top Ten # 13 Comments
Ah, nude movie scenes. With the 2010 fall movie season upon us, the major studios are whipping out their arthouse and Oscar-bait films. While most of these films come through with the pretense of dignity, only a few are remembered years after their passing. So, in a time when our theaters will be swelling with honest, clean films that show us the triumphs of the human spirit or criticize the trappings of modern society, it seems only proper that we respond by seeking out moments in film that stand in opposition to this. Moments in film, where we are all pleasantly surprised with well placed nudity. As much as Oscar-bait tries to make a social impact, many times it is the moments in film where a penis or a pair of breasts burst through the curtain that stains our collective memory, and we respond with an enthusiastic “Hell yes!” These are the top 10 nude scenes that have jolted audiences with their perfectly placed nuggets of flesh.
The most pleasantly surprising scene for any thirteen year-old boy in this melodramatic disaster flick. It was pretty obvious that at one point there would be a sex scene, or at the very least, an implied sex scene. But nobody would’ve guessed that Rose wanted Jack to draw her wearing “only” her necklace. Of course, at my fragile age of nine when this came out, I didn’t fully comprehend what was going to happen until Kate Winslet eased so gracefully back into that couch. Surely a reason for the film’s monstrous success was this new way for curious adolescents to see a real pair of breasts without having to get their older brother to walk into that shady convenience store. The internet was also not as widespread and as user-friendly as it is today, so it was much easier for kids to get their porn fix with five bucks and three hours of boredom than trying to figure out Netscape.
9. Behind the Mask
Behind the Mask, a movie which plays off slasher horror conventions, used its nude scene for one of the biggest laughs of the film. The slasher is explaining to the reporter how exactly he’s going to butcher the hapless kids, walking us through what he has planned like the obligatory planning montage in a heist movie. Then suddenly, there’s a woman’s chest. Bra is undone and full boobage is present on screen. Then a pair of hands begins to caress the supple specimens. The shock of going from a normal exposition scene to one of the most gratuitous topless scenes ever will surely make you dribble your wine with a smile.
8. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Another nudie shot played up for pure comic effect. Not once, but at two different times do we see Jason Segel’s manhood presented in all of its glory as he’s dumped by his fully-clothed girlfriend. While most films leave it up to the audience’s (often vivid) imagination when it comes to what their stars are packing, we as an audience are given no such option. Within the first ten minutes of the film, Jason Segel drops his towel and the camera cuts to a farther away position, revealing everything. It certainly works for comedy but this is Jason Segal we’re talking about, meaning it’s probably one of the least google searched nude scenes since Kathy Bates in About Schmidt.
7. Total Recall
Despite being a movie rooted in gratuitous violence, perhaps the most memorable moment is the tri-boob. Sex and violence are an important ingredient of any Arnold movie. Total Recall knew this and then doubled its supply. Squibs are spraying out more blood than’s contained in the human body, and a mutant hooker from Mars has not just two breasts, but three. Supposedly her assets were convincing enough for both passersby, and friends, to inquire if in fact she did have three knockers. Oh the magic of film.
6. 28 Days Later
The most jarring moment in any zombie movie. Our hero wakes up in a hospital about a month after falling in to a coma. The first thing he notices, and we as an audience notice, isn’t that London is completely deserted, it’s that his shrivelled wang is on public display. I went into the movie expecting an ultra-violent zombie fest, instead the second thing delivered to my eyes was full frontal male nudity. Luckily the movie quickly shifted gears, and he got some clothes on. The only thing worse than turning into a rage-infected zombie is turning into a nude one, dignity would just fly straight out the door.
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