Super Mario Bros?

Let's pretend I didn't write that.

The Happening. Hands down.

See, I disliked the slasher genre until I saw Severance. It was because of Severance I even bothered watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and that changed my life. It takes a LOT for me to like slasher, and I'm still on the fence about most of the classics.

Did you see the Prom Night remake? The trailer wasn't too bad, but then again, the TCM remake trailer was good too.

[Top Ten SLASHER Movies]

Top Ten SLASHER Movies

What makes a slasher film? It's not just a horror, I think it needs to have a lone, iconic villain the systematically kills people throught the movie, rather than all at once. Of course, this rule can be bent. Here are my picks for the ten best slasher films ever made.

10. When a Stranger Calls

Yes, yes, there is some extreme cheese factor going on in this flick, and these are some SERIOUS Princess Bride flashbacks every time Carol Kane speaks, but this film version of the campfire tale (which came first?) is a real chill for the first 20 minutes.

9. Friday the 13th

Not as good as people remember, and the damn mask doesn't even show up till the THIRD movie, but this subtle interpretation of Freudian theory is a must-see blood fest, if for nothing else than Kevin Bacon's post-coital massacre.

8. Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

Well received by indie-critics, largely ignored by fans, this flick is fun and clever, if at times a bit slow moving. A behind-the-scenes mockumentary about the Slasher world's latest rising star ... the scenes that explain the silliest of slasher movies conceits are hilarious and the performance by talented nobody Nathan Baesel is so awesome it should have elevated him to leading man status rather than occasional side character on crappy network television.

7. Halloween

Considered by some to be the greatest slasher flick, I still maintain that besides the score and creepy mask, this film is more slow than brooding. But still, a few of the kills are classic, and it's noteworthy for the lasting impression on pop-culture and turning the world on to Jamie Lee Curtis.

6. Child’s Play

Until they showed him and he looked like a perverted Muppet, this flick was TRULY scary. The pitter-patter of little demonic feet is about the scariest thing there is.

5. A Nightmare on Elm Street

The savage imagery, deeply perverted sexual themes, and wily performance from Robert Englund placed this film in the pantheon of great horror. To this day, despite the violence, it's the concept of a killer in your dreams that is the scariest part.

4. Scream

Part spoof, part satire, part slasher, this flick manages to balance funny and scary at a level normally reserved for that creepy uncle that would play with the kids during family reunions. The twists on normal slasher conventions (ala, multiple killers) made this film a classic.

3. Severence

Dry British wit mixes with social commentary, deep drama, and silly humor. This film is more subtle and detailed than the title leads you to believe. The lead performance from Laura Harris is fantastic and, unlike most other slashers, the true horror comes when you fall in love with the characters and then have to see them killed.

2. Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Despite being my favorite slasher film of all time, it still doesn't quite make the #1 slot. TCM is brilliant. No other words can really describe this Vietnam-era fable; the anger and hope in the final sequence are strangely moving, even today, and the sickening non-gore creates an atmosphere so tangible you can almost smell the decay from your TV set.

1. Psycho

The great grandad (or grandma?) of slasher films. Truly one of Hitchcock's greatest, this flick is groundbreaking not just in its subject matter, but also it's 50/50 plot construction, protagonist swap, and acknowledgment of psychological disorders.

And do I even NEED to mention Anthony Perkins?

[Top 10 Time Travel Movies]

Top 10 Time Travel Movies

Whether short stories, novels, or film, Time Travel is one of the most popular (and my personal favorite) form of science fiction. Here is a list of the 10 best time travel films, picked not just for stand-alone quality but for their quality AND unique use of the time travel conceit.

10. The Terminator and Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Arguably the best action/sci-fi movie ever made, T2 is also a great time travel piece. Even though the characters only jump back in time once, the film constantly debates the ethical and philosophical problems that wold arise from this technology. And because some fans believe that Kyle Reese was actually John Connor and that he sired himself into existence - and anytime a film inspires nerds to use thier brains to increase the overall level of perversity in this world, it deserves to be on a Top Ten List.

9. The Time Machine (original)

Based on the story by H.G. Wells, this film manages to capture the boredom of its inspiration, plus most of the book's prose as it was transliterated into the film as voice-over narration. Still, the VFX were earth shattering at the time, the Morlocks have really awesome light-bulb eyes, and the use of disaster warning sirens to induce the human instinct to hide underground is chilling and inspired.

Honorable mention goes to the even worse remake by H.G. Wells's grandson Simon which, despite its more pathetic moments, made a valiant attempt to revive Guy Pierce's already fading career and provided the perfect platform for Orlando Jones's unrecognized genius as the creepy CREEPY holographic museum guide.

8. Time Bandits

This inspired lunacy from Terry Gilliam (who appears twice on this list) follows the adventures of a gang of midgets who steal a map from God and use it to time travel for treasure. It's absolutely brilliant satire with a litany of great cameos, including John Cleese as Robin Hood, Ian Holm as Napolean, and Sean Connery as King Agamemnon. Also, David Warner stars as the devil, who shoots rockets by pulling off his fingers. I mean, come on, that's awesome!


7. The Jacket

An underacted psychological thriller, proving that Keira Knightly does not need breasts to be hot and does not need to do that damn slack-jawed stare to be a good actress. And Adrien Brody is kick-ass as a tough-as-nails soldier who finds himself popping back and forth in time whenever he's tortured in an insane asylum.

6. Donnie Darko

Love it or hate it, you have to admit that an emo-angst supernatural time travel horror satire is pretty original. Featuring the only good performance Jake Gylenthal has ever turned in and awesome slow-mo steadi-cam shots from director Richard Kelly, this flick makes the perfect evening in for young couple that like to talk philosophy and wear creepy rabbit masks.

5. Somewhere in Time

This is grade-A barf level romance here, but it features a pre-accident Christopher Reeves in a non-Superman role and the concept of meditation time travel and transporting the mind rather than the body is unique and clever. Plus, that moment when he sees the penny ... how can you not gasp?


4. 12 Monkeys

One of the quirkiest, creepiest time travel movies ever. Bruce Willis is brilliant as the borderline insane convict from the future and Brad Pitt is Oscar-worthy as the undeniably insane mental patient who brings about the end of the world.

3. Flight of the Navigator

If you were a kid in the 80s, this film blew your mind. Not only was it as finger-snapping fun as the Beach Boy's song "I Get Around" that plays over an important scene, it also opened young minds to the concept of aliens, time travel, growing up, and childhood abandonment. YEAH Disney!

2. Primer

My personal favorite time travel movie, this flick was made for pennies and was written, directed, and starred the same dude from Texas. But this is no M. Night Shaymalan piece of garbage, this is a twisted, confusing, well-researched character drama inspired by the entrepreneurial geniuses who built the first personal computers in their garage. The time travel is practical and the implications and ramifications of their actions are awesome.

1. Back to the Future (trilogy)

Come on, did you not see this coming? This is one of the best trilogies ever made. Does the science make sense? No, but time travel is impossible anyway, so let Robert Zemeckis take you on a skate-boarding, car-flying, time-traveling adventure with some of the best characters and moments ever put on film.

*Honorable Mention*
Star Trek VI: The Voyage Home
Because, who can resist a Star Trek slapstick comedy about saving whales?

Dammit. I bet there's no Region 1 available anywhere on the internet cause they're delaying it for the stupid American remake.

As they say all the time in America, your MOM was excited about my air bender.

No seriously, we say that.

The Hulk rocks.

Shyamalan is set to write and direct the live action version of Nickelodeon's Avatar: The Last Airbender.

And, if you looked closely, the little girl is wearing an Avatar backpack at the end of the film.

Yes, you read correctly, the pig put a plug for his next movie into the last scenes of THIS film. What a whore.

Damn Copyrights! DAMN

I turned off Diary of the Dead ... it was aweful and cheesy, unlike Dawn of the Dead which, despite the 80s vibe, had real drama.

Has anyone seen [Rec}?  I hear it's incredible but I can't find it in the states.

Harsh, Sheridan, Harsh.

Rented Dog Soldiers, but couldn't finish it. Inspired me to go find a copy of AWiL and buy it.

I finally saw Hellraiser, and first two sequels, in November of last year. And, I have to say, the visionary FX were awesome, and Pinhead was inspired, but damn. The movies sucked. And I mean SUCKED on a story level and acting level. I still enjoyed them, but I couldn't help thinking, "wow, I'd love to take this premise and design and construct a stronger story around it."

I was hoping this would be the case  ... but two filmmakers that have only made lame sequels and a Project Greenlight flick? Doesn't bode well.

Yeah, it's kinda right on. Even the one intense moment near the beginning, when the contruction workers were walking off the building, was ruined by that damn close up of the guy saying, "dead God in Heaven ..."

Ugh

[RedFenceProject.com]

From RedFenceProject.com



Director: M. Night Shyamalan
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo
Rotten Tomatoes: 20%
Our Rating: D

[RedFenceProject.com]

From RedFenceProject.com



Director:Louis Leterrier
Starring: Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth, William Hurt
Rotten Tomatoes: 64%
Our Rating: A-

[*shudder*]

It's been interesting, as a fan of director M. Night Shyamalan, to gauge the critical and fan response to his films over the years. Most folks seem to adore The Sixth Sense and abhor Lady in the Water - a consensus that remains consistent down through the years. But the early popularity of Signs seems to have devolved into nit-picking over the science-fiction elements, and his best film to date, Unbreakable, has gradually found acceptance in the indie scene while alienating mainstream film goers with its slow, moody pacing (notice that I didn't even bring The Village into this conversation ... *shudder*)

For my money, a love that Night acknowledges the supernatural while most films these days try to squeeze the same wonder out of "natural" means, but with little affect. Still, it's easy to see, fan or not, that his films are breaking more and more rules and creating a niche market rather than the wide-spread appeal his budgets mandate.

The most vivid example of this is Lady in the Water, a filmmakers wet dream packaged in a studio nightmare. As a filmmaker I loved every bizarre moment of that film, from the self-referential storyline to the drastically off-balance framing. But the average joe hates it, and I'm talking a level of hate normally reserved for The Hulk or Southland Tales.

And from early reports, the same will be true of his latest flick, The Happening. Although, if the clips I've seen online are any indication, this might break the wonderous spell that Night has had over me for close to a decade.

And here's my proof from the internet - a step by step comparison of the average ratings of M. Night films from Rotten Tomatoes. Let there be no arguments, this does NOT bode well for Night's career:

84% - The Sixth Sense
Consensus: M Night Shayamalan's The Sixth Sense is a twisty ghost story with all the style of a classical Hollywood picture, but all the chills of a modern horror flick.

68% - Unbreakable
Consensus: With a weaker ending, Unbreakable is not as a good as The Sixth Sense. However, it is a quietly suspenseful film that intrigues and engages, taking the audience through unpredictable twists and turns along the way.

74% - Signs
Consensus: With Signs, Shyamalan proves once again an expert at building suspense and giving audiences the chills.

42% - The Village
Consensus:  The Village is appropriately creepy, but Shyamalan's signature twist ending disappoints.

24% - Lady in the Water
Consensus: A far-fetched story with little suspense and unconvincing scenarios, Lady In The Water feels contrived, pretentious, and rather silly.

14% - The Happening

The short film/ trailer version of this was hilarious.

Favorite part: Seth Rogan is pissing into a bucket.

Jay: "What are you DOING!"
Seth: "What does it look like? Baking a cake."

Way too tired to write an actual review on this, but noticed no one post any so here it is:


As long as the screenwriters stick to the central premise and remembers to have fun, this film is golden. The ridiculously over-the-top spoofing of Israeli and Palestinian culture is inspired, like the very best parts of Anchorman. Notably, the uber-running gag about hummus (they put it in coffee, brish their teeth with it, etc) and the bizarre super powers of the terrorists and Israeli army (the put Pirahna's in their Speedos, stop bullets with their noses and, in what is quite possibly the highlight absurdist comedy moment of 2008, John Turturo cackles while perched upside down on a ceiling, then skitters around like the mental patient from Exorcist III, and jumps through a stained glass window).

But the middle forty minutes of this flick are almost unbearable. Basically, Adam Sandler has sex with a bunch of old ladies. It's bizarre, overdone, and not funny in the slightest.

Then, the last twenty minutes involve Redneck terrorists, disco breaks during Hacky Sack games, Mariah Carey ad-libbing about bees, and John Turturro fights fire with his fists.

If you see this flick, bring a book for the second act, but the beginning and end will be up your alley if you liked Anchorman, Talledega Nights, or the early, better, weirder Adam Sandler movies.

Yeah, I'm surprised by Sex and the City's haul as well ... damn it all to hell.    And thought Zohan would be better, based on the really positive responses to the trailer.

I considered posting top ten hottest pictures of Bryce Dallas Howard, but decided against it.

I'd say that, on special occasions, if you keep the movie theme and comedy theme, it's fine. But yeah, babe galleries just to have babe galleries will lead to downfall of the uber-classy movie-moron. Don't do it.