Round #7
Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood - Halloween: H20 - New Nightmare
The Loser: Wes Craven's New Nightmare
Almost got it, to the right, OK, you got it.The first half of this film promises all of the comeback merit of Stallone's
Rocky and
Rambo rampages. Earthquakes, creepy phone calls, and a genuinely scary opening and first kill.
Then something shifts, and even Craven forgot what the hell made Freddy scary in the first place. He's largely off-screen and when he does appear, he looks different and wears an overcoat like a 1920s hard-boiled detective.
It's nice to lose the cheesy one-liners, but also sad that Freddy hardly talks at all. And the end climax is as pathetic as all the lame in-between sequels.
If you don't believe me, look at the look of "fright" on this child's face:
The cast of New Nightmare
take a much needed break on Disneyland's Splash Mountain water ride.*Special Note* Each of these franchises has a "look, it's over" installment, followed by a "no, it's not!" installment (in the case of Jason, this happened TWICE). This marks the TRUE ending of the Nightmare franchise, when it officially jumped the final shark and even the studios couldn't resurrect it.Scariest Part: Freddy's metal hand flicking a dude's crotch.
Worst Part: Freddy's arch nemesis is a stuffed dinosaur.
Unintentionally Funny Part: Freddy's giant hand floating over the freeway.
The Runner-Up: Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood
I've gotta make THREE MORE of these flicks!?After a campy break, the producers return with a secret weapon: Kane Hodder. The fans are right, something about the way Kane moves and reacts is MUCH scarier than all previous Friday films. Plus, at this point it's VERY clear that Jason is demonic, and his exposed spine and rotting face are very well done.
He's faster, smarter, and, if not for that psychic bitch, he'd have won once and for all.
Scariest Part: When he's standing perfectly still in the corner of the kitchen.
Worst Part: The heroine is a psychic blonde.
Unintentionally Funny Part: Two words - floating couch.
The Winner: Halloween: H20
Worst. Mirror. Ever.This is a very good sequel, and Michael is back as a sociopathic supernatural bad-ass.
The plot is simple but rings true with actual thought: deeply disturbed by the events of Halloween and Halloween II, Laurie Strode faked her own death and relocated to California, where she married and divorced a loser and became mother and headmistress for a restrictive "no sex, drugs, or rock n roll" private high school.
And while the movie never bothers to show where Michael has been all these years or whether films 4-6 were a figment of a studio fat cat's imagination, it doesn't matter once the killing starts.
From the opening sequence where the female victim DOESN'T enter the dark home and instead runs for help, you know you're in for a smart slasher film (don't worry, they all die anyway).
Jamie Lee Curtis really appreciates the fans and gives her all to the performance, Josh Hartnett actually didn't suck, and Michael Myers is almost as scary as the first two flicks.
The ending is a bit underwritten, but still very awesome.
Scariest Part: Michael and Laurie window stare down.
Worst Part: LL Cool J.
Unintentionally Funny Part: Joseph Gordon-Levitt's ice skate death.
Summary: It's nice to see Michael back in shape for a late match win, but now that Freddy is out of the game can he take out Jason in the final rounds?
June 12, 2009, 08:47:43 AM
