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Author Topic: General Discussion  (Read 42467 times)
David Hawk
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« on: April 15, 2009, 05:53:47 AM »

So it got me thinking after looking at Sheridans 2009 Horror Movies Guide http://www.movie-moron.com/forum/index.php?topic=1737.0 and the changing lanes back to slasher flicks, if i was a serial killer, what would my weapon of choice be?

I mean, you can't just pick up the nearest thing because you have to consider the mess it would make, the noise it would generate and if you're being filmed, the creativity of the kill. So after a good 10 minutes of pondering i have decided my weapon of choice would be:

The Machete


You see for me its got everything, its big enough to scare the crap out of those silly fornicating teenagers and foolhardy heroes alike just from its appearance. It has the weight behind it so one swing will take a busybody Cops head clean off his underpaid shoulders, its sharp enough to be able to carve neat slices off trail dodging Tourists to feed to your inbred family or the pack of useful starving hounds you keep in the wire fenced pen at the back of your house, which also means that unlike noisy chainsaws or firearms it has 'StealthKill' built in and its stainless steel so one wipe from your latest victims once virginal white Ralph Lauren polo shirt and you're good to go.

So what's yours, hypothetically speaking of course?
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Sheridan Passell
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« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2009, 06:07:06 AM »

Depends if this is hypothetical or what I actually use, but you said hypothetically so ok.

Axe -



Makes any locked door you're faced with an absolutely pleasure to deal with. Also means you can dice your teens and place little pieces of them in people's mailboxes.
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dalmatianjaws
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« Reply #2 on: April 15, 2009, 04:33:43 PM »

Scalpel.

I've always found quiet, meticulous serial killers scarier that brutes
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AristotleP
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« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2009, 06:14:57 PM »

Ice pick to back of the head and it's all over  Shocked

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David Hawk
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« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2009, 04:15:31 AM »

AP and dalmationjaws, I'm a bit scared of you guys, very nasty weapons there  Wink
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Sheridan Passell
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« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2009, 11:32:03 AM »

What about mine?
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David Hawk
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« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2009, 11:53:23 AM »

Yours is as brutish as mine, no delicacy there mate Smiley
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T.ROSS
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« Reply #7 on: April 26, 2009, 02:14:18 PM »

Yours is as brutish as mine, no delicacy there mate Smiley


Chainsaw!!!!!!

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Sheridan Passell
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« Reply #8 on: April 26, 2009, 07:28:38 PM »

Brilliant picture.
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dalmatianjaws
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« Reply #9 on: April 27, 2009, 01:11:19 PM »

Serial Bear

Tagline: Mother Nature is a Bitch
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Sheridan Passell
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« Reply #10 on: April 27, 2009, 01:47:17 PM »

I really hope that's the screenplay you're working on.
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dalmatianjaws
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« Reply #11 on: April 27, 2009, 05:31:40 PM »

Sheridan, if you can use your networking skills for a direct to DVD release, I think Tross and I can whip out a sellable 90 pages in about a month. Tell us what budget to shoot for and we'll conference via email.   Tross, are you on board?
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Sheridan Passell
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« Reply #12 on: April 27, 2009, 08:50:52 PM »

T.Ross doesn't need a month.

Nothing looks better than a low budget bear attack.


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T.ROSS
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« Reply #13 on: April 28, 2009, 12:35:30 PM »

Sheridan, if you can use your networking skills for a direct to DVD release, I think Tross and I can whip out a sellable 90 pages in about a month. Tell us what budget to shoot for and we'll conference via email.   Tross, are you on board?

I am on board! I go to school for screenwriting!
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dalmatianjaws
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« Reply #14 on: April 28, 2009, 01:21:14 PM »

I think the bear should be genetically altered and he's growing exponentially smarter throughout the movie. So he can talk by the end of the movie and we can use really bad CGI for his talking mouth. He can say things like, "I WANTS BERRIES!"

Also, this will create some awesome scenes as he grows smart enough to use weapons for his kills, but has to struggle with his lack of opposable thumbs.

There should also be a classic "slasher" stalking scene with a young hot victim running through the woods ... only it's all animals.

He should also kill some nature documentarians.

I think I might be retarded, cause this idea is making me laugh too much.
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T.ROSS
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« Reply #15 on: April 28, 2009, 01:42:08 PM »

The bad cgi talking is great!!!!! As he progresses with intelligence, in one scene he should hop in a car and chase the teens in another and have a high speed chase, then the kids lose control and crash back into the wood, back into bear country....
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Sheridan Passell
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« Reply #16 on: April 28, 2009, 02:56:38 PM »

Guys this is giving me the chills.
What if they flag down an (overweight and hairy) cop at the end, he turns round, and guess what...
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T.ROSS
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« Reply #17 on: April 28, 2009, 03:16:08 PM »

Guys this is giving me the chills.
What if they flag down an (overweight and hairy) cop at the end, he turns round, and guess what...

That is cinema gold!
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David Hawk
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« Reply #18 on: April 29, 2009, 06:38:54 AM »

And i bet it would still make more money than Hostel 3
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dalmatianjaws
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« Reply #19 on: April 29, 2009, 09:44:17 PM »

I bet you anything I could whip out a killer super-intelligent bear script that's better than everythign Eli Roth has done, combined.

We can rent those lame bear suits they used in Anchorman.

There should also be a scene where they run into a cabin, see the bear, and scream!  But it's just a couple having hot sex under a bear rug. Ridiculous boob shots for the rest of the scene.
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