Alright, here's my official list.
Sorry, Slumdog didn't make it. I hear what you're saying, but any movie that makes me want to dance at the end does not qualify!10. The CureIt's not cute, he lost the ability to walk
In the running for most misleading title of all time, this movie is about a little boy with AIDS and his river adventures to find a reported cure. Only there is no cure, that's the point. He finds true bromance instead. And they swap shoes. This is supposed to symbolize something. I think it's meant to symbolize the futility of human relationships in light of our temporary blip of consciousness in an evolutionary time frame and inevitable decay into nothingness. But I could be wrong.9. Where the Red Fern Grows
The dog dies. But it's alright, cause a parasitic plant feeds off his decaying nutrients. Tell that to your kids when they ask where Buffy went for the summer.8. A Simple PlanGuess which one eats a bullet
Proof that capitalism turns normal people into rage infected greed zombies. A group of blue collar folks find a bag of money and are completely incapable of dealing with it. For a sum that would barely cover a car payment in Los Angeles, they fight, shoot, bludgeon, and smother their way into hell.
And for some reason, the hero has to kill his retarded brother at the end. Not sure why.7. A Clockwork OrangeHello sir, we're here to pick up your daughter
There is a rumor that Anthony Burgess wrote an extra chapter where Alex is actually cured and becomes a better person. Instead, Kubrick's vision treats us to Malcolm McDowell fantasizing about public rape.6. Night of the Living Dead
Guess which one eats a bullet
Another addition to the "humanity sucks" genre, not only does Night of the Living Dead feature a bunch of corpses that rise from the dead to devour their loved ones (including a young girl who tries to eat her own mother), but the film's sole survivor is an African-American man who walks out into the clear, pure, majestic sunshine ... and is shot by a racist cop.5. Of Mice and Men
Guess which one eats a bullet
This movie also has a dead dog.
And for some reason, the hero has to kill his retarded friend at the end. Not sure why.4. The MistGuess which one ... oh nevermind
A long tirade against religion with the occasional monster thrown in, The Mist could win an Oscar for "Most Rash Decision."
After a wave of other-worldly creatures descend on a rural supermarket, the denizens resort to human sacrifice within 24 hours. Those that escape the creepy critters and religious zealots drive off in a jeep, where they promptly run out of gas. Within two minutes, the film's "hero" shoots everyone in the jeep, including his own son.3. On the BeachHug it out, everything will be fine
The world is dying from radioactive fallout. Most people don't do anything about it, they just walk around on the beach. Some people try to do something about it, they take a submarine to somewhere, but when they get there they find that the thing they were looking for really wasn't what they were looking for, so they go back to the beach to die with everyone else. That's pretty much the entire movie.2. Beneath the Planet of the ApesBefore the world ends, we'd like to talk to you about Scientology
As if the ending to the original Planets of the Apes wasn't bleak enough, in the sequel Charlton Heston gets shot in the gut, so in retribution he uses his last ounce of dying strength to detonate an atomic weapon that completely destroys the world. The movie ends with this uplifting narration:"In one of the countless billions of galaxies in the universe, lies a medium-sized star, and one of its satellites, a green and insignificant planet, is now dead."1. Requiem for a DreamCarrot Top in his finest role
Coming in at number one is the most depressing film ever made, Aronofsky's indie opus, Requiem for a Dream
Do you think heroine junkies are depressing? Well how about heroine junkies, elder abuse, amphetamines, materialism, T.V. addiction, infomercial propaganda, racism, amputations, overdoses, and public sodomy for money.
But the music is cool.