*Searches under bed*
With three live-action Resident Evil
movies in the bag and a worldwide gross somewhere in the hundreds of millions, it's time to bury anything else the gamers have liked about the series forever.
*Finds shotgun in box under bed*
Of course, it can't just be about zombies and evil corporations anymore, after all, even the games have moved on since then, with Resident Evil 4
, a game so good it reinvigorated third person shooters. This was followed by the slightly less good but still enjoyable Resident Evil 5
, which featured the 'Majini' enemy, a villager with a hideous parasite that would emerge from their mouths when you got too close. It also had the Executioner, a terrifyingly big monstrosity with a covered head and a massive axe.
With that new information in mind, let's see how exactly Paul WS Anderson plans to rape all the remaining good times out of the game franchise.
*Places shotgun under chin*
Well, it's in 3D. But not just ANY 3D, oh no! It's in AVATAR
's 3D, which means megabucks! And it's going to trash the good names of Resi 4 and 5. Great. It's also going to feature Albert Wesker and Chris Redfield, the most important men in the games. What's unknown is whether this will actually be set in Japan like the last one (Extinction
) seemed to promise.
Here are some pictures from this money-spinning disaster in action:
Ali Larter returns as Claire Redfield. Maybe she prefers this to working on Heroes
. Can't blame her.
Milla Jovovich kicking arse. Listen, Anderson, it's NOT SCARY if your protagonist is tougher than the monsters. See Paranormal Activity
The Executioner. Hey, Anderson, I still really like the Hunter. Would you mind holding it down and pissing all over it while I watch? Thanks.
Chris Redfield on the left, played by Wentworth Miller from Prison Break
. Albert Wesker in the middle, played by Shawn Roberts. This suggests that the brilliantly over the top fistfighting sequences from Resi 5 are in for a fisting. Fan-goddamn-tastic.
More labs. More clones. More money in the franchise.
This abortion is getting shat out into 3D theatres in September. Try not to get too excited.
*Pulls trigger on shotgun*