The Expendables 2 (B+)

[Sam Gurney]

CONTAINS SOME MINOR (MAJOR - ed.) SPOILERS!

There were early internet rumours suggesting The Expendables 2 would wuss out of an R Rating in favour of a PG-13 certificate. Thankfully, this proved untrue. With Arnie and Bruce returning to the cast in meatier roles, and Jean-Claude Van Damme cast, The Expendables 2 promised to be bigger, better and bloodier than ever. It’s hard to argue they didn’t live up to it.

Arnie is given his grand return to the screen in an electric action opening, where the Expendables are finishing up their latest mission. Barney Ross (Stallone), Lee Christmas (Statham), Gunnar (Lundgren), and co are joined by fresh-faced army sniper Billy ‘The Kid’ (Hemsworth) in blowing stuff up and shooting people in the face (I think they were rescuing a billionaire of something).

Upon their return, Bruce Willis’ Mr Church sends them off on a mission to ‘make them even’ - recovering the contents of a safe from a downed plane in Bulgaria, where they will also be joined by sexy Chinese agent Maggie, much to the snarls of Sly. All this after Billy confides in Barney that being an Expendable isn’t really for him and this will be his last run out. I don’t see anything that could go frightfully wrong…

Disaster! They're ambushed by none other than Jean-Claude Van Damme (he’s called ‘Vilain’!) and his sinister party of rival mercenaries. The safe contents are blueprints for a plutonium storage mine, and Vilain has some dastardly plan to sell it all. If that wouldn’t piss Sly off enough, he nicks his beloved official Expendables knife and kills Billy (roundhouse kicking the knife into his chest. Genius!). Of course Sly isn’t going to let this slide, so he ignores Church’s command and vows to hunt down ‘Vilain’ and extract his revenge.

Van Damme absolutely shines, strutting around the mine wearing his swag sunglasses and designer coat; the hallmarks of a criminal mastermind if there ever was one.

When it tries to go deep and emotional, it’s hilarious. When Sly opens up about Billy’s death it's difficult to tell if this is meant to be heartfelt or not. Add in the moment where Billy's girlfriend is given his belongings and looks at the enclosed photograph of him... its borderline spoof.

Of course such trivial matters as ‘characterisation’ and ‘plot’ play second fiddle to the cast revelling in the glory days of their careers. There are dialogue nods to Arnie’s back catalogue especially (play the “I’ll Be Back” drinking game), including a delightful swapping of catchphrases between Arnie and Bruce during a shootout, which is as good as it sounds.

It has to be said, there is a LOT of filler. We get to ‘know’ Billy because he spends five minutes recounting his life story to everyone. But the Expendables gang love a bit of banter between laying waste to Van Damme’s henchmen, mostly making fun of Randy Couture’s ears (who is basically a prop after all). Gunnar muffles something about not having much luck with the ladies, staking a claim to rival Bane for this summer’s most incomprehensible speech.

With his name and face plastered over all the pre-publicity, it’s a bit bizarre Jet Li only gets about five minutes screen time, which pretty much epitomises the ‘thanks for turning out’ mantra. It’s difficult to juggle such ensembles, even in this post-Avengers era, and it’s this element that’s obviously the main selling point.

Of course you all noticed Chuck Norris’ name on the poster too, and his cameos are a testament to a man who has officially evolved beyond parody of himself. “Is it true you were bitten by a Cobra?” asks Sly. “Yes, but after five days of agonising pain… the Cobra died.”

The climax of the film tries its best to recapture the high octane levels of the beginning. Sly and Van Damme have their final showdown as all hell breaks loose in an Eastern European airport, with Bruce Willis and Arnie shooting baddies from inside a Smart car a particular highlight.

It really is wonderfully ridiculous entertainment, and genuinely great fun. There’s probably room for one more great action set piece, but we’ll let them off because they’re knocking on a bit… As Sly says himself in a big juicy metaphor: “That thing belongs in a museum”, “We all do” quips a beaming Arnie. Brilliant.

Rating: B+

[Sheridan Passell]

Spoiler-free version : http://www.movie-moron.com/?p=23255

[David Hawk]

And seeing as it held the box office top spot in the US for a second week the likely hood of a third must surely be a no-brainer, a bit like the plots to the movies 

[Sheridan Passell]

It was only number 1 again because all the new releases tanked. It's making less than the first movie. So not a huge success but still probably enough to get that third film underway. It was mentioned there might be a spinoff TV show too. I'm all for it.

[David Hawk]

A TV spinoff? wow, how on earth would they pull that one off as surely the appeal is all the big names, it would cost a fortune to make a series with them in surely? But if they can I'd buy the boxset.

[Sheridan Passell]

Presumably would only star some of the same people (Terry Crews etc.). A B-Team. But I've only seen a headline though, haven't read into it.

[dalmatianjaws]

Screenwriting buddy of mine was asked to pitch Expendable 3. His pitch: "Half the crew dies in the opening scene. It's called The Expendables and no one ever dies."

They rejected it.

[Sheridan Passell]

Oh man, how I would have loved to do a pitch for that movie. Why are they even asking for ideas, the first two movies barely have any plot, the producer could scribble it down themself over dinner.

[dnwilliams]

They should be killing people off and adding to the roster by subbing folks in. I haven't even seen these movies and I feels like they failed to fully exploit the concept. There shouldn't have to be this all-female answer to The Expendables in development either, those women should BE IN THE EXPENDABLES.

[Sheridan Passell]

I take the opposite view, I want to see the most 'complete set' of 80s/90s action stars, so killing one off in a movie means they won't be available for the next one.

[dnwilliams]

There are enough pretenders to the throne included that they could kill off.