Freddy vs. Jason vs. Michael: Round Two

[dalmatianjaws]

I hadn't seen the originals since I was a kid and I've never bothered with the sequels, so it was time to hit up Blockbuster and finally figure out who is the reigning king of horror, round by round.

Round #2

Friday the 13th Part II - A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2 - Halloween II

The Loser: A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge

Think this poster is confusing? Try watching the movie.

If "unmitigated piece of shit" was allowed on a movie poster, it would be the perfect subtitle for this sequel. Although the choice to make a horror film without a single scare was quite daring, the lazy nonsensical plot and disturbingly asexual male protagonist make this a contender for my worst sequel list.  Although Freddy looks a bit more gruesome and Robert Englund continues to rock the glove as the sadistic dream psycho, his scripted antics are ridiculous and bumbling.  The vague nod that the scriptwriters gave to an original idea is lost in all the confusion: does Freddy live in a dream world or does he live in an under-aged boy's body? Why is he seeking revenge on a totally random person? And, why is he outdone by teenage lust?

Scariest Moment: There isn't one.
Worst Moment: When you realize that the filmmakers completely ignored the rules of the first film and were more focused on naked men than naked women.
Unintentionally Funny Moment: When Freddy uses his magical dream powers to torture a man (who isn't asleep) by stripping him naked and flicking his butt with a damp towel.


The Runner Up: Friday the 13th Part II

Keep this director away from my acting!

A rare case of a sequel being only marginally better than the first, Friday the 13th Part 2 offers us a large, deformed male for a villain, rather than his toothy, sweatshirt-wearing mommy. Unfortunately, that's about the only good thing it offers ... other than the scenes where this girl:

wears this:

and then does this:


In addition to a higher boob to girl ratio, the kills are also a bit more gruesome and it's nice to finally see Jason in the franchise he's famous for.

Scariest Moment: Jason's inevitable, yet still effective, "jump and get the girl" final scare.
Worst Moment: The ending. Does anyone know what the frack happened? Cause it makes no sense to me.
Unintentionally Funny Moment: Muffin, the brave Lasa Apsa, returns to safety, ribbons intact.


The Winner: Halloween II

Starring Joe Cocker as Michael Myers.

This is an even rarer case of the sequel being noticeably better than the first, although, to be fare this really is just an extension of the first film. It starts at the exact moment the first film left off. Michael is scarier, tougher, and the kills are a touch more realistic. Although Jamie Lee Curtis spends most of the film comatose, the film still manages to make you care. And the "blind Michael" sequence is priceless.

Scariest Moment: When Michael scalpel's the nurse's spine and lifts her off the ground.
Worst moment: The doctor and nurse having fake noisy sex right next to Laurie Strode.
Unintentionally Funny Moment: When the kid from The Last Starfighter walks five feet into a spreading pool of blood without leaving a footprint, then falls and knocks himself out.


Summary: Nightmare reduces Freddy to a bumbling idiot and Jason bumps it up a notch ... and I finally see why folks love Halloween so much.

[Sheridan Passell]

My personal favourite moments from Nightmare 2 are Freddy noisily disrupting a bbq, and the exploding parakeet.

I guess thinking back on it now the whole film has the kind of non-logic you associate with a Dario Argento film and from that point of view feels most like a dream itself.

There's no WAY that Halloween 2 is better than the first. But each to their own. It amazes me how they got the star of the first one to return then had her drugged the whole film with NOTHING to say or do.

I have a soft spot for Friday 13th Part 2, watched it about 20 times at college. I mean, God knows why, but I did. The ending was one where the filmmakers seemed to have no idea who had survived and who hadn't.

I'm very much enjoying reading your reaction to these. Especially having a sad knowledge of what's in store.

[Tyler Lovemark]

While I vehemently disagree that Halloween II (or any other slasher for that matter) is better than the original Halloween, I have to agree with your assessments on the other two.  Friday the 13th starts to get really creative with the kills here, and it really carves out what is its territory (nude girls in woods, sex in cabin, illegal flora).  Sadly, though, it lacks the humor of a old woman and young collegiate duking it out on a sandy beach.

Nightmare 2 probably has its high moment when Freddy tears through the kids body at his friends house, or maybe its the pool party crash?  If only they had another Tina to throw all over the ceiling.

I am eagerly anticipating the next part.  My vote is for Friday the 13th.

[dalmatianjaws]

I can't believe I forgot about the fucking exploding parakeet! I almost had a brain aneurysm, I thought for sure I had fallen asleep and dreamed it ... so maybe in that sense it was brilliant!

Really? Honestly is the first Halloween that good? Cause I don't get it, I mean, I appreciate that it was FIRST, and that stands for something, but still. It only has ONE scary image and every time someone dies they look like cartoons, the expressions on their faces are so ridiculous. And I thought the directing int he sequel was FAR superior than the first ... and it really connects so well to the first that it's just one big movie. I don't know, maybe rewatching H20 will change my mind 

[Sheridan Passell]

I'll throw out a few (of many) things that make the first Halloween so good:

It was the first use of steadycam in horror (see opening sequence in particular), having only been seen previously, a bit, in Black Christmas.

It basically invented the notion of a silent killer in a mask stalking those who are morally loose, how many times has that been imitated?

The music is legendary, the theme is close to Star Wars or Indiana Jones in public consciousness. Not bad for an electronic keyboard.

It's (I think) great suspense, beautifully shot/framed by a director at the top of his game.

It just oozes filmmaking intelligence and original thought. And it scared the shit out of me.

[dalmatianjaws]

Well fine. Make sense and shit.

[Sheridan Passell]

I was talking about Rob Zombie's version.

[Tyler Lovemark]

Yeah, I still turn into a frightened twelve year old girl when I watch Halloween.  No other horror movie does that to me.

Rob Zombie's version depresses the hell out of me.  Not scary, obnoxiously shot, no suspense, and emotionally confusing to the viewer (should I feel bad for Michael or not?).

[Sheridan Passell]

This is the best video/song this guy has done -

[Sheridan Passell]

Also, to get you ready for Friday The 13th Part 3, here it is with an added laugh track :

[dalmatianjaws]

Brilliant. Ft13 continues its hard won tradition of severe horror and chilling terror.

I'm watching Halloween III today, when I'm all set for round 3!

[Sheridan Passell]

It appears then that it is -

One more day to Hallo-ween Hallo-ween Hallo-ween. One more day to Hallo-ween. Sil-ver Shamrock.

[dalmatianjaws]

Sweet Jebus.

I'm almost through .. this movie will NOT END.

[Angel Orona]

Watch the magic pumpkin . . . Watch . . . Watch . . .

[Sheridan Passell]

A snake just crawled out of my ear. Is that normal?

[dalmatianjaws]

Round 3 going live today.

Dear God, this does not bode well. What have I gotten myself into.

[Sheridan Passell]

All this talk has made me want to watch Halloween 3 again tonight.

That's right - I own it.

[Christian Sellers]

I'm afraid I really like Freddy's Revenge.  the homophobic subtext aside, the makeup and FX are amazing and the tone is suitably dark

[Sheridan Passell]

Yeah, I think Nightmare 2 actually has some very eerie moments in it. Freddy is a lot scarier in it than he is the likes of parts 4 through 7. I think one the reason it isn't liked more is the characters aren't all that easy to warm to. There's something about them. I wonder if its anything to do with the hero being a guy, which is very unusual for a slasher film.

[Christian Sellers]

Yeah I know what you mean, Jesse is a little irritating, but there's a sadism that makes sense when you think exactly what Freddy is supposed to be - a child murderer - but most of the sequels kinda skated over that in favour of glossy FX.  PArt 2 is a really twisted love story that I've always found a little unnerving.  By no means flawless (the scene where he dances in his bedroom makes me cringe) but far better than most make out