Freddy vs. Jason vs. Michael: Round Six

[dalmatianjaws]

I hadn't seen the originals since I was a kid and I've never bothered with the sequels, so it was time to hit up Blockbuster and finally figure out who is the reigning king of horror, round by round.

Round #6

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives - Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare - Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

The Loser: Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare

Taking a break from being scary, Freddy decides to go parachuting in the middle of a horror film.

Just when you thought George Lucas had used up the world’s supply of insipid, you see this movie and realize there's still plenty for everyone.

Producers of the sixth and “final” Freddy movie needed a rousing finale to satisfy their faithful fans, so they structured their opus’s theme around the life mantra of their favorite insect, the African dung beetle.

Eat shit and die.

This is pure, unadulterated awful. Freddy plays video games. The plot is bizarre. Freddy kills a kid with a loud noise. Now THAT’S scary!

Don't ever watch this film, not even for the Johnny Depp cameo.

Scariest Part: Roseanne Bar and Tom Arnold in a frighteningly pudgy cameo.
Worst Part: When floating worm Muppets explode from Freddy’s head.
Unintentionally Funny Part: “Here, take these 3-D glasses.”  *wink*


The Runner-Up: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

Donald Pleasance hangs up with his agent, and immediately regrets his decision to take Halloween 6.

The Halloween franchise (excusing the third installment) is the last of these franchises to descent into bizarro world. In part 6 we discover that not only is Michael Myers misunderstood, but that if he doesn’t kill off his whole family than the world will end.

So what, he’s a good guy?

The director takes a note from Hitchcock’s book and then burns it, choosing to show Michael Myers as much as possible, and in full light, with lots of people waling around in wide open spaces.

Scariest Part: When Michael turns on the motorized pitchfork, just to make sure she’s good and minced.
Worst Part: The plot.
Unintentionally Funny Part: Paul Rudd’s rune deciphering computer software from the 1990s.


The Winner: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives

Oops.

After the lackluster break that was Part V, Jason is back … from the dead no less.

At this point the franchise turns to ridiculous camp as Jason is resurrected by LIGHTNING. Also, the self-referencing humor is largely apparent in a shot where the kooky cemetery groundskeeper looks at the camera and rants about how “this isn’t entertaining.”

Still, this film gets winner status just because it’s so great to see the masked dude back in his own franchise.

Scariest Part: The VW Bug couple getting killed in the mud.
Worst Part: Trapped in the lake … REALLY?
Unintentionally Funny Part: Jason’s lightning resurrection.

Summary: As the franchises get sillier, Jason still pack the most punch, and judging from the roman numerals he also outlasts everyone else.

[Sheridan Passell]

I've got to admit...I've never watched any of these. Even with terrible horror taste one could still sense instinctively just, not to go there.

Here's Johnny Depp's cameo in Freddy's Dead:


If anyone wants proof of how bad Freddy's Dead is, look up the shin-kicking finale on YouTube.

[dalmatianjaws]

To be honest, I'm really liking the Friday the 13th movies. Particularly part 4 and 7 (I'll save details for the next round).

Even the crappy ones are a lot of fun.

Freddy, on the other hand, has TWO good installments out of SEVEN movies. And those other five aren't just bad, they're painful, sloppy, and dull. I just watched New Nightmare again today and you're right, it starts out AMAZING, and ends just as bad as the other crappy installments.

Halloween is lame (3-6). I'll be interested in Halloween H20 which I remember like a lot when I saw it in theatres ten years ago.

[Christian Sellers]

You missed about part 5? Get a multi region DVD player dude, the UK release is above average. Good quality print anyway. For that I would say;

LOSER: Halloween 5 (some scary set pieces dumbed down by a stupid plot)
RUNNER UP: Friday the 13th Part V (again, stupid plot and cheat ending, but the uncut death scenes and sheer sleaze of the movie is intoxicating)
WINNER: A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 5 (not brilliant, but better that The Dream Master and Freddy's Dead)


Now, onto this one. I agree with your results to a point (same goes for your Part 7 one as well).  Jason Lives has been my favourite Friday the 13th movie for the last 21 years. It may not be scary, but it's fast paced and intentionally funny. While Freddy's Dead is pretty dire I hate Halloween 6, even the producer's cut! They just continued the stupid mystical element from Part 5. So glad H20 was an improvement!

Keep up the good work!

[T.ROSS]

Yeah defintely Friday The 13th takes the cake on this round!  Checkout the death scenes for part 6, you gotta admit, probaly some of the best kills out the whole series....



....now thats badass!


-T.ROSS PRODUCTIONS

[T.ROSS]

I've got to admit...I've never watched any of these. Even with terrible horror taste one could still sense instinctively just, not to go there.

Here's Johnny Depp's cameo in Freddy's Dead:


If anyone wants proof of how bad Freddy's Dead is, look up the shin-kicking finale on YouTube.

     Sheridan, I cant believe you havent seen any of these!!!!!!

[Sheridan Passell]

I haven't seen them because they all look absolutely awful. If someone can find a clip from one of these to convince me otherwise I'll see 'em.

[T.ROSS]

You just got to be a fan of the series to appreciate them....

[Sheridan Passell]

I'm a fan of all these series, I own a ton of the early ones on DVD, and later ones likes H20 and Freddy vs Jason, but still if they make a lazy movie I'm not going to go out of my way.

[T.ROSS]

Well dont always take wnat others say into consideration, Dalmatianjaws is pretty harsh on these films. Friday the 13th 6 has some of the best kills out the series, I love Halloween 6 too, its alot better than Resurection and H20, and its the last film Donald Pleasence did. It is good, Michael Myers is so brutal, plus Paul Rudd is in it. Freddy's Dead js problay the worst one, but its good, Freddy is funny and they always come up with creative kills. Sheridan watch these films pronto!